So, on Sunday, I was really happy, I didn't have to hide my romantic relationship and it was all great! So, on Monday, I was talking with my (now ex) boyfriend and he asked me if we broke up would we be friends still and I'm like yeah we would but honey don't worry there's hope in this relationship, I love you, but he said he had been trying to break up with me but was scared i'd be sad and I was like it is gonna happen anyways, ofcourse at that point I was breaking down, my heart was racing, I was just in the stalls crying. I tried working it out but we re over and he thinks now my friends and I would hate him but I don't and I'm now just not sure what to do. I want to unfriend him on the disc but at the same time I dont want him thinking I hate him but I don't, I just don't wanna be reminded of him because I wanna move on from the whole loving him because the second he gets a new girlfriend I know my pain will only worsen. I need to heal as fast as possible. Making things worse my earbuds died on the bus. Kids don't understand me, I got yelled at for being antisocial by a teacher I look up to. Then, I was at a family friend's house helping out, it got my mind off the break up but I got tired of her saying "Alright we're gonna go!" then we never even left, over and over and over. Her grandaughter kept running around without any clothes I just stood there closing my eyes like Lord help me- all of this is making me do things I promised I wouldn't. I'm not letting my now ex see this because I don't want him to know how I really feel. I ended up trying to cut my arm last night, I've had death in my mind and ways to do it, I could cry any moment. I don't know how to cope with al these thoughts I think I'm not enough, I'm useless, I'm not pretty, I'm just a fat loser. I always get really happy then sad..He was my everything, still is...he told me it hurt him but if it did he would still love me. so he either loves me or is just saying it to make me feel better.. I always am happy one day, cloud nine, then the next day I feel like actual cr-p. He did it in the nicest way possible though....
