Jekyll: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person. Marion: Actually, Lake is my favourite. Jekyll: Okay then, it is I, that b- Hyde: Go to hell! Lake: Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely. Marion, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are.. Violet: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING! *while waiting outside the principal’s office* Marion: What are you in for? Violet: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you? Marion: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver. Violet: Marion: Violet: We live very different lives. Marion: Yes we do. Violet: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance! Jekyll: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Violet: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Jekyll: Absolutely not. Marion: You don’t deserve me. Oak: At your worst or your best? Marion: I don’t have a worst. Oak: Because you’re already at your worst? Acula: How would you like to live forever? Violet: I'd hate it. Shut the f--- up. Marion: I don’t have anything against you, but I can make up lots of reasons to attack you!! Jekyll: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason. Jekyll: Me too! Violet, talking about Marion: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went “Doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a murderer, just ignore that” with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so a good sense of humour. Violet: I looked them up, they were a murderer. Lake: Where are you going? Hyde: Hell, eventually. Lake: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me. Jekyll: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy. This one’s too cute: Danny: I want a trip down memory lane. Oak: *proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in Danny's lap* Oak: I heard you needed these? Danny: YES! ALL OF THEM! Hyde: I hate you. Lake: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue. Danny, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette. Lake: But Danny, we don't smoke. Danny: Cut the crap, Lake. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke. Danny: *points at Hyde* One! *points at Oak* Two! *points at Marion* Three! *points at Jekyll* Four! *points at Lake* Five! Danny: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers! Hyde: *puts a cigarrette in Danny's hand* Danny: Thank you. ...Light? The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters* Hyde: I would do anything for money. *later* Hyde, in Jekyll’s body, covered in blood: THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS! Jekyll: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate. Hyde: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man. Jekyll: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW! Jekyll, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend? Lake, who’s running the drive thru: … Lake: Tequila. Violet: I hate Marion. Danny: Don’t say hate. That is a mean word. Violet: Fine, I LOATHE Marion. Hyde: Lake? What are you doing here? Lake, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sungla--es and holding a gatorade: My best. Oak, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Jekyll, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds. Hyde: But that’s censorship. Violet: Well done. You are correct. You’re being censored. Now go. Violet: We have fun, don’t we, Oak? Oak: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life. Rachel, holding out a cookie for Jekyll: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Jekyll: *Ugly crying* Rachel, holding out another cookie for Hyde: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Hyde, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?! Violet: It’s funny how well you and Hyde get along. Didn’t he hate you at first? Rachel: Hyde hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people. Marion: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone. Oak: And I need you to be less vague and weird. Jekyll: Oak said I was their second favorite person, and I was bummed, but then they said Violet is third. They have no favorite person. They’re holding the position open. Violet: Editor's note: What the f---?
