DISCLAIMER :: this has some very odd writing style !! it's going to be slow-paced and WILL have some improper grammar !! there's going to be unnecessary spaces. this is all on purpose :3 TW :: depression , questioning existence , somewhat self-harm?? like not bleeding or anything just kinda like pinching yourself etc <3 ( NO I DONT RELATE TO THIS LOL, well sorta do BUT NOT LIKE HOW THISLL BE WRITTEN) v v v v v v v v v v I have the perfect life. I think he likes me back. I know they like me now. We all want to be friends. It'll all be okay. It'll all be okay. Because even if it's not okay it'll have to be because that's how life is. right? I know I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm alive and breathing living being knowing guessing learning... However, I believe that I am so happy that I am sad. V e r y sad. I think this is because life feels like a video game. It feels very unreal at times. I feel like I am floating like i living like live breathe exist is not real. I know it is all real. I can feel things. I feel pain. I cause myself pain in odd ways. I pull on my hair I pinch my thigh I bite on arm so hard that it hurts. But I like this pain. Nice pain. Kind pain. Very kind nice pain. It keeps me awake away from those dark dark nightmares. Crazy crazy nightmares. Unreal daydreams. Because these things are bad. I don't want to feel this. Pain. But do. I. do. It is. Very nice.. Very... nice.. I don't know why. But it's very, very nice. I'm not hurt. I am not physically hurt. Small pain is enough. Biting pinching pulling enough. for .. me. It's all enough for me. Because I live perfect happy new lovely. Life. Not new I do not know what I am say ing. I am lying. Sometimes I lie.. Not on purpose. I make... things up. Not on purpose. Sometimes my brain says "yes, yes. this... happened." and then i realize that it is not real. i say i am sorry i did not mean that that did not happen. they kinda look at me funny. they do. then they say thats okay. its okay. I dont know what im saying but know i, i know. i not okay. okay okay okay okay okayokay okayokayokayokayokay okay. o k a y. no. not okay.
i wrote this !! :3 don't steal please .. i actually am cramping from doing all these spaces lol okay i lied this is how i feel haha .. BUT THIS ISNT A VENT NONONO NOTTTT A VENT. just overly happy..tosadness...again. notvent not vent hi!
