Friday, December 29th, 2023, 10:34 A.M. by Knight (yes, in free verse) ————— To my fellow perfectionists, this one’s for you. To my science teacher, uhhhh, I love you, but click off! Lmao xDD Sorry for the swearing but I’ve told myself I’ll swear a lot less next year. Okay, anyways I’d like to start off by saying I’m a mad perfectionist. I like to see A+’s or 5’s and fine, I’ll take an A. But anything below that for me is considered failing. Shoot. So that’s my problem. Hear me out here, okay? Now, my algebra teacher who I also love very much told me I’m not always gonna get a perfect score. We had the midterm on December 18th and 19th. And I forgot how to do something (but it wasn’t even on the study guide) So I didn’t do those problems at first. Then my classmates started asking my teacher how to do certain problems and whatnot But I didn’t. And I could’ve. However, it’s a MidTeRm so you AreN’T supposed to ask questions, silly! But some of them did anyway! And guess what! They were able to finish the test while I was just sitting in the dust with an unfinished test in my hand when I turned it in. And then THAT’s the time I asked him how to do the problems I didn’t know how to do and then I realized it’s a lot easier than I’d anticipated. But I couldn’t change my answers anymore so I sat there like a sore loser ‘cause I’ve always gotten perfect scores on my tests so that was the breaking point for me. Crap. Keep reading, please. I don’t have any friends to share this with right now. So Algebra is 8th period, right? 9th period is Science. Now what you see in the project is some of my Science grades. Normally my Science teacher rarely gives 5’s. I however am a frequent recipient of them. But I think yesterday my Science teacher decided to go on a grading spree and uhh, put CoSL grades in. (If you read the things in the project, you’ll know what they are.) So anyways Science is after Algebra. And on that Tuesday when I didn’t finish the test I came with a temper in her room like an idiot and complained to her. Because it’s a reflex I’ve built since October 5th this year. You need someone, you get someone. So that’s exactly what I did. I told her the whole story and how I didn’t finish the midterm. She asked me if I wanted to ask my algebra teacher if I could finish the damn test? But I already knew the answer he’d give me. Tough love. It’d be a no. So I told her that he’d say no. But I threw a fuss about it, so she went to his room and told him that I wanted to do something about it. So, fast forward to Thursday, December 21st, even though I got 21.5/24 on that half of the midterm, on the whole midterm, I still got an A. So that’s a lot better that I expected, right? But on Tuesday, December 19th, I didn’t know I could get that. So anyways this ties in with my science grades because the fact that I complained to her well, I could see why it was a disruption. So of course, I have a 4 in the freaking gradebook. Which is what you see in the project. Everything else this 2nd quarter has been a fantastic 5. But I guess I’ve broke that streak. And the passive side of me is saying, “Tough luck, carry on and move forward.” The aggressive side of me, however, is beating myself up for it. “You shouldn’t have done that, you idiot,” it tells me. Honestly, making a big deal outta these things ain’t gonna help you one bit. So I’m going with the flow and I’m not gonna complain because I know why I got a 4 and I know I did something wrong so I’m just gonna keep moving forward and carry on! But the thing is every time I see a 4 or a 1 or anything less than a 5, it makes me wonder, “Did I do something wrong?” Chances are, yeah. They wouldn’t give me a 5 if I hadn’t been perfect. But still, that’s something I need to learn in my last days of 2023. I need to learn how to not let my emotions take control of me and that I ain’t exempted from nothin’ just because I’m the teacher’s pet. I used to be this tough straight A+ student who never complained about a thing but something was lackluster in my life and that thing I was missing was love. But now that I’ve got love from like, 3 of my teachers, I’ve felt carefree and I’ve felt like I can do whatever I want because they love me. Hell no, buster. That’s not how it works. So I have to find the balance between being really open to them and keeping to myself. Just ‘cause I’m in 7th grade doesn’t mean I get to have emotions. That being said, folks, nobody’s perfect, and nobody ever will be perfect, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to be. My motto is… here, I’ll copy and paste it: ✦ “Enough” isn’t enough until you’ve pushed yourself to the limits.™ ✐ And that still applies to me today. I’m going to resort back to my tough, undefeated, always energetic state of mind. Because when I wasn’t open about my feelings, I felt a lot more: • accomplished • better • tough • cool and nobody thought I had a problem. So that’s what I’m gonna stick to in 2024.
