There is so many bad things going on in my life right now. I can’t even talk about it because it’s “too much” for younger children/scratch. I’ve had to fear stepping into my own home, sleeping, and even just being around some of my family members/friends. I don’t know what to do anymore. But of course, if I share one negative thing, people start blaming themselves. When I share vents and stuff, I don’t have the energy or mental stability to comfort you. Anyways, it’s very not appreciated when people take me feeling bad as an excuse to make a situation all about them, and starts drama. Of course it’s ok if you say stuff like “if I contributed in any way, let me know” or “is there any way I can help?”, but saying stuff like “it’s all my fault that you feel this way” or “i need to leave scratch now because I’m making you upset and I’m a terrible friend and person” or cutting contact completely with everyone just because of this one situation that has nothing to do with you is not ok. Just please let me have some time and not have to comfort anyone for a single second. Please.. (Note: this isn’t directed towards anyone.) Another thing really quickly is everyone always sees me as optimistic and kind. I love that people see me like that when I’m in good moods, but when I’m in moods like right now people really need to understand that I’m not always kind and patient. I’m not saying I’m suddenly mean or anything, I just can accidentally hurt people’s feelings without realizing it. But I want people to see me as trustworthy and reliable, so I constantly pretend to be fine and happy and on the bright side. In reality, it’s caught up to me so much. I’ve been canning in so many things now, so i can barely stand all the pressure I feel. The truth is that I am usually depressed or angry, and k pretend to be happy. I can’t do that anymore. I’m sorry. UGHHHHH EMOTIONS ARE SUCH A BURDEN- One more thing. There’s a lot of recent trauma that I have experienced, and I am still constantly afraid of my past trauma. I know I keep on saying it, but something extremely bad that I can’t put on scratch or I’ll prob get banned happened today. Again; I can’t put it onto scratch, but I am still recovering from it. I’m scared to enter my own house now, which is not fun. Plus, I can’t talk to my therapist about it anymore because surprise! She is on vacation or something for around 2 months! Hooray!/sarc
