This is only a project because forums were down and I needed to share proof of the daily to get bonus points (this was based on a thing from the book What If? 2 by Randall Munroe)
“Let me go!” says Captain Michelle. (Michelle isn’t part of their superhero name, and Captain isn’t part of their normal person name, and they don’t like when I call them that, so of course I do. Anyway, if she didn’t want to be called Captain Michelle, she should’ve done a better job keeping her secret identity secret.) “What do you even want from me?” “I brought you here to tell you about my EVIL PLANS!” Michelle strained against the chains. “Don’t even TRY to break out!” I tell them. “Now, I know you’re probably wondering why you’re chained to this chair.” “I wasn’t gonna question it, actually,” she says. “Isn’t this just, like, what most supervillains do when they capture someone?” “It’s because no one ever stays and listens to my plans if I don’t chain them up! Now you can’t escape, and you WILL hear ALL ABOUT my BRILLIANT SCHEMES!” Michelle squirms uncomfortably. “Whatever they are, I’ll stop them!” “Never! Anyway…” I wheel my whiteboard over. “First, I’ll give one out of every four people a dog. Then-” “Your evil plan is to give everyone a dog?” “Yes! But that’s only step one! Then, assuming every dog produces five puppies a year-” “‘Produces’? That’s a weird way of saying it,” Michelle muses. “Stop interrupting!” I snap. “Anyway-” “Wait, each dog gives birth to five puppies a year? Don’t you mean, like, each female dog?” “I, uh-” Hmm. This was a problem. “I mean on average. Each female dog could have multiple litters per year, so it evens out. Now, as I was saying. Within five years, there would be six or seven dogs alive for every human!” “That doesn’t sound so bad. I’d like six or seven dogs.” “But JUST YOU WAIT! Once those puppies start having puppies, THEN you’re in trouble!” I point to more of my equations and drawings on the whiteboard. “Hey, that’s a pretty good drawing of a dog there.” “Thank you. Now, as I was saying, once the first puppies start having puppies of their own, then the numbers of dogs will start DOUBLING! In less than eleven years, there will be more than 100 dogs for every human!” “That… does sound like a bit much.” I nod enthusiastically. “Yes! It is more than a bit much! And in only 25 years, the dogs will have multiplied so much that they’d be squished shoulder to shoulder and start stacking on top of each other! By 40 years, they would cover the earth’s skyscrapers! It will take less than 330 years for the dogs to fill the entire observable universe!” I cackle maniacally. “Whoa, you can make the dogs survive in space?” “I’m, uh, still working on that bit,” I mutter. The fun is more in dreaming up the schemes than figuring out all those pesky technical details to make them work. “Now- Wait here just a moment.” Not like they have much choice. I leave the room to get one of the brilliant devices that will set my plan into motion. I return with the dastardly device, which barks happily as I bring it over to Michelle. Michelle grins at it. “Aww, a little doggy?” they croon. “Yes. It’s part of my wicked scheme. I’m letting you go now, Captain Micheal-” I start to tell her. “Michelle,” she says reflexively. “Or, that’s Captain-” “Yes, I know your superhero name, Mitchy. But you’re not even in that costume right now. So-” “I was on my way to the grocery store when you captured me!” “I SAID, STOP INTERRUPTING! Ugh, I should remember to gag you next time…” I scowl. “Anyway, I’m letting you go, but not without this.” I gesture towards the dog. “Aw, I get to keep it?” She tries to pet the dog, but can’t reach with her wrists chained to the chair. “Yes. And you see, this isn’t just one dog! It will have FIVE PUPPIES!” I remove the chains, and Michelle leaps out of the chair and starts petting the dog. “Aww, who’s a good girl? You are! Yes you are!” “This is a weapon of mass destruction!” I remind her. They take the leash I’m holding, and give the dog another scratch behind the ears. “I’m gonna take you to the vet and get you neutered.” “What? NO! Impossible! You’ve foiled my plan!” All my calculations… all my daydreaming… foiled by THIS! Michelle walks out with the dog. “Maybe you should come up with a better plan next time.”
