~ /Sea-lionsmile/ The little lynx point laid in her new nest, in her new den, with her new name and new role weighing on her mind. The struggle to fall asleep was new, too, though she suspected that thankfully, it would only last for tonight. It was strange, sharing a den with so many. Li had situated her nest under one of the roots of a palm tree, on the lowest level of the den. It was a short walk to the exit of the den, but far enough away that no light would ever really fall onto her during the sunrise. That was a little disappointing to her— though she was lucky enough to wake up to her own internal clock, and therefore didn’t necessarily /need/ the sun in the mornings, she still liked waking up with the sun on her fur. The lowest level was where she wanted to stay, though, and all the sunny spots were taken. Perhaps she’d get to move her nest some day. She sighed quietly, eyes trailing unfocused across the many pelts around her, her mind wandering. Inevitably, her thoughts turned to her family. Sea-snakeshiver had been there to view her ceremony, and his smile would have made it all worth it, even if she had had to wait a hundred moons to see it. But her other parent, her siblings… they hadn’t been there. She hadn’t seen them in moons, and they didn’t even know her name yet. The thought brought up an unwelcome rush of emotion, and Sea-lionsmile abruptly stood as her throat closed painfully and her eyes started to well. If she was going to cry, she certainly wasn’t going to do it in a den of her clanmates, so she quickly left the den and began to wander across the dunes of RiverClan. She was soon tired and stopped to rest, and then she could outrun her thoughts no more. As the first few quiet tears fell down her speckled cheeks, she had to wonder how it all could’ve turned out this way. Did being apart from Li and Snakle bring Sicarushug this much pain? If so, how could he stay away? Why would he bring Dizzy-lilypaw and Spider-lilypaw away too? She had never questioned his decision before, and even now, she didn’t even want to think about /her/ of all cats being the reason that he would have to leave his clan. Even the brief thought of that possibility had guilt flashing through her, and she found herself trying to stifle her soft sobs, as if he could hear her, all the way out here. And what of her siblings, her beloved Anastasia and Amity? She hasn’t seen them since she was five moons old and they were leaving. They had been so young then, so small— she had been the one to protect them, she was supposed to be there for them, but they weren’t here with her. They weren’t here, and she didn’t get to see them grow up. She wished she could see them, bring them close and listen to their breathing and know they were there, but they /weren’t/. And it hurt so, so bad. Perhaps she’ll never see them again. She hoped she would, but… it had just been so, so long. Would they even recognize her face? Even as the tears subsided, the loneliness stung, wrapping around her and constricting her mind and lungs. Who would she have to talk to, in the morning, when the sun rose and cats rose with it? Periwinkle_, who she saw every day but barely had time to say more than a few passing words to? Cherishedpaw, or Miraclepaw, or even Ditzypaw, who she’d only seen once in her life? She felt so isolated in this moment, as though she knew no one and not one cat truly knew her. And finally, her breathing slowed, evening out until there was only a hitch every once in a while. The warm nighttime desert air quickly dried the tears from the sand. There was no moon, but the stars were plenty, and bright enough to steal away the exhausted Sea-lionsmile’s attention as she reached one paw up to the sky. She couldn’t find the energy to think too hard in that moment, but even through the haze in her mind, she promised herself that she’d try harder, that she’d reach out. She didn’t think she could go on without doing so. But then again, she couldn’t really think at all. ~
~ Okay y’all this is very dramatic lol but I promise that she really isn’t as upset as this makes her seem So this takes place the night of her warrior ceremony, and I figured that after a day of high energy and lots of emotions she’d try her best to contain, it would make sense for her to spiral a bit when everyone else is asleep. Projecting and all that lmao, I’m not lying when I say she’ll feel better after she gets some sleep But one thing she will take away from this is that she does want to reconnect with her family and connect more with the cats she’s met. I’ve already contacted a few people to RP and hopefully I’ll contact a few more tomorrow too, because I really do want to expand and deepen her relationships! I’ll probably revamp her relationship finder too so she can meet a few new friends as well!! Anyways, have a good night y’all ( or day lol ), and hope you enjoyed! ~
