_-vent-_ I hate my face. Every time I look at it, I want to puke. I know what's been drilled into my head since day one. Skinny, white, blonde. Perfect girl. I strive to be perfect. That's what I have to be to blend in with everyone else. You have to blend in so you're not singled out and teased. It's gotten so bad I sun bleached my hair to be blonder and let it grow out. I also put drops of facepaint in my eyes to make them bluer. (I don't do that anymore. That made my eyes bleed.) I'm already white but the amount of makeup I put on to look good is dumb. But even that feels wrong. I feel more like myself on days at McCallie. (The boys school.) Which isn't right. I've tried for so long to be the perfect girl. I can't just stop and suddenly be the new trans kid halfway through the semester. I cut my hair and dyed it black to feel more male but now I'm getting weird looks at GPS. (The girls school) There's not a recent picture of me where I don't have a mask on or I'm shielding my face. I smile but whenever I see myself, I want to cvt myself. I hate it and I know it's my fault which makes it even worse. I have scars and scratches and people don't trust me with sharp objects anymore. They don't know why because I hide the marks with clothes but my friends just know. Thank you @thereisnotryonlydo, @ComeBuyThisMicrowave, @sofiasmack and plenty more not on scratch for not letting my hurt myself. I am the most thankful because I probably would've been in the doctor's office more than once without you. I platonically love all of y'all. Now why the flip did you read this? I told you not to!
<3
