Heeyyyyyyyyyyy folks!!!!!! Hello there!!! It's me, Dragon, here with a big ol' update because I felt like doing an explanation. I'd also like to make a disclaimer right off the bat that I'm doing pretty great mentally right now so y'all don't need to be concerned about me at all :) part 1 }{ my wacky brain I recently added ADHD to my repertoire of official diagnoses - this is significant in the fact that it finally helps me figure out why I would have such long periods of demotivation before coming back like nothing happened. So that was happening in the background of everything else. (I'm also in therapy now, so I can work on all this stuff, so yay!) part 2 }{ unhelpful mindset So now we get into the (not) fun part, which is how Scratch was detrimental to my mental health. I'll use my litter requests as a working example. It was fine at the beginning, when I was doing them because I liked sharing my art with people. As it became more popular, though, things went south very fast. This is where TFCRP comes in, because to me, at the time, it really did feel like a popularity contest. There are all these big and inspiring scratchers (who absolutely deserve the praise), and I wanted to be there; I wanted to be one of the ones people talked about. Especially since Shinesprout didn't have many meaningful relationships, I felt I was fading out of the front; I began overworking myself on litter requests out of desperation for relevance. This is obviously absurd in the same way that saying public rps can have main characters is absurd, but it felt like everyone knew each other and I was falling back. Heck, I even thought about signing up as an admin helper despite knowing that I don't have the consistency it takes to do such a job. Whatever the case, it got so bad that when other people would post litters I'd sometimes wind up with an anxiety attack lasting a day or more. I've had issues with jealousy on here a lot, so I stepped back because it was really tearing me down. part 3 }{ where I've been I faded into the void for a while to Pull Myself Together. I know I want to ease back into the world of public RPs, but first, at risk of sounding cliche, I needed to do some self-reflection. So I dropped off the face of the Earth to heal, and I'm doing a lot better now, so I'm going to try to actually come back this time. I'm feeling much more confident in myself and my ability to be here. part 4 }{ what the future holds So here we are! For a while, at least, I'm going to stop taking requests and focus on making art for me. I'm going to hopefully get back into TFCRP at some point, and I may slowly join other RPs I find interesting (but not many, because I don't want it all to come crashing down on me like last time *wheeze*). I think it's going to be better this time. Also, Shinesprout's going to die. I've been dreading it forever, but it's happening soon. (At least he'll die around the exact same time as his only friend?) part 5 }{ ANYWAY, I'm excited to come back here. Feel free to come chat sometime, I don't bite! (and also if you asked me anything important just repost it on my profile because I'm unlikely to find it otherwise). And hey, look! Dragon has a new ref! (her design hasn't changed since the first big overhaul, but she has a new sheet now. if any of you have been following me long enough to have known the og azurefire, you're a legend) That's all for today! For now I'm going to work on a litter application, and expect an art dump soon as well. /g /lh scratch really ate that ref sheet's quality for breakfast, huh
