My parents were never the type to talk to me about these feelings. All I ever felt that I needed to do was find a man and marry him but now I don't know what to feel anymore. It's like ever since I saw her my life changed... But for now my main focus was to ask Iris out to the mid year dance before the guy in the hallway, which I didn't want to do I wanted me and her relationship to get like.. Well in love over time I didn't want it to be a rushed thing. According to the guys plan he would have him and his friends hold up a sign outside of school when school ended, so all I have to do is ask her before she walks out of the building, which is perfect for me since we have 9th period together (last class of the day). It sounded like a solid plan but I didn't have the courage yet, I mean all of these feelings are still so new to me and now that I have to rush myself to express them out loud to her is just hard. I waited all day for 9th period I didn't want it to be too much of a big thing so I wanted to get it over with. During class (we were all painting) I was still planning on how to ask her out, I had practiced all day long and I wasn't ready because what she rejects me or if she doesn't like me back... And after that she wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.. I wasn't ready. Iris has noticed how sad I looked " is something wrong? " she asked concerned "oh.. Uh yeah I'm fine..", She gave me an empathetic look "you know you can tell anything...right?" I felt bad I don't know why maybe because I thought she thought I didn't trust her. Just as I was going to (attempt ) to ask her out she spilled green paint on her pants, I heard her curse to herself under her breath "I'll be right back in gonna' clean this off" she walked out the classroom leaving me alone with my thoughts. I waited and waited for her to return but she never did those pants must have been really stained, then out of nowhere the bell rang I have completely lost track of time, I then had a sharp realization that if she was already out the classroom she would make it outside school where the guy was, before me, before I got to ask her... I couldn't help but shed a few tears what if she agreed to go with him and then they would date and she would slowly get more attached to him and leave me alone right were I started. I grabbed my backpack tossed on my back while running as fast as I could, probably still crying by the time I made it out I was too late... She had already seen the sign, she had already replied (which I didn't hear the reply) and what made it even worse is that the guy didn't have a sad or disappointed face after she walked away in fact he looked quite happy... Meanwhile all I did was stand on the top of the buildings stairs trying to catch my breath crying...why was I crying I didn't know never in my life did I picture myself crying over a girl but to me she wasn't just a girl she was my first friend, my only friend...my-my crush.
My stowy also a lazy thumbnail Wrote this at 3 am because I was bored
