Nightshade: Hi, I'm Nightshade Black, and only you can prevent forest fires... seriously, it has to be you. I'm sure as hell not gonna do it. --- Nightshade: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one. --- Nightshade: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” --- Nightshade: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy. --- Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Nightshade: I choose to waive that right! Nightshade: *screaming* --- Nightshade: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people. --- Nightshade: I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in this house with a bunch of morons. --- Nightshade: Tonight, one of you will betray us. Cari: Is it me, Nightshade? Nightshade: No, it’s not you. Lacei: Is it me, Nightshade? Nightshade: It’s not you either. Valerie: Is it me, Nightshade? Nightshade: Nightshade, mockingly: Is IT mE Nightshade? --- Nightshade: *Screams* Valerie: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Cari: Should we do something?! Lacei, observing: No, I want to see who wins this. --- Cari: You know those things will kill you, right? Nightshade, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point. Valerie, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process. Lacei: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough* --- Nightshade: Wake me up… Cari: Before you go-go! Lacei: When September ends… Valerie: WAKE ME UP INSIDE- --- Nightshade: Why is Cari so sad? Lacei: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes Nightshade: And...? Lacei: He got Valerie. --- Nightshade: Cari isn’t answering his phone Lacei: I’ll call Nightshade: Valerie and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi- Cari: Hello? --- Nightshade: Truth or dare? Cari: Dare Nightshade: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room Cari: Hey Lacei? Lacei, blushing: Yeah? Cari: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Valerie --- Nightshade: I think Valerie was right. Cari: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.' Lacei: She wouldn't do that. Valerie: You're right, Lacei. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that. Valerie: *turns around, the shirt she's wearing says 'Valerie Told You So' on the back* --- Nightshade: Self care is actually getting into fights with randos in dark alleys. Cari: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Valerie: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Lacei: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Nightshade: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands. --- Nightshade, Cari, and Lacei are sitting on a bench Valerie: Why do you guys look so sad? Nightshade: Sit down with us so we can tell you. *Valerie sits down* Cari: The bench is freshly painted. --- Nightshade: I think we're missing something. Cari: Teamwork? Lacei: Cohesion? Valerie: A general sense of what we’re doing? --- Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Nightshade: Crap. Cari: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Lacei: OH MY GOD VALERIE FELL OFF!!! --- Nightshade: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet. Cari: Lacei: Valerie: Everyone Else At Nightshade’s Surprise Birthday Party: Cari: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first. --- Nightshade: Listen, I can explain... Cari: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000? Lacei: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000! Valerie: You guys are getting paid? --- Lacei: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three- Lacei and Cari, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks! Nightshade: Our turn, Valerie! One, two, three- vanilla! Valerie, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake. --- Lacei: Cari, I'm sad. Cari: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Nightshade: Valerie, I'm sad. Valerie, nodding: mood. --- Nightshade: Can I be frank with you guys? Cari: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. Lacei: Can I still be Lacei? Valerie: Shh, let Frank speak. --- Nightshade: You lying, cheating, jerk! Harry: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Nightshade: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SIRIUS WITH ME Cari, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now... ---
Nightshade: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions? Cari: Put spaghetti in it. Nightshade: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you. Lacei: Put spaghetti in it. Nightshade: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. Valerie: Put spaghetti in it. Nightshade: I'm no longer taking suggestions. --- Nightshade: Here's some advice Harry: I didn't ask for any Nightshade: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me --- Nightshade: How many kids do you have? Harry: Biologically, emotionally, or legally? --- Nightshade, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Harry. Harry: How did you do that without turning around? Nightshade: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you. --- Nightshade: I can explain. Harry: Can you? Nightshade: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie. --- Nightshade: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. Harry: You and me!!! Nightshade, tearing up: Okay. --- Harry: I was arrested for being too cool. Nightshade: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence. --- Nightshade: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- Harry: Twelve, actually. Nightshade: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? Harry: Yours! Nightshade: That's right: no one's. --- Nightshade: Okay, truth or dare? Harry: Truth Nightshade: How many hours have you slept this week? Harry: Harry: ...Dare Nightshade: Go to bed. Harry: I don’t like this game. --- Nightshade: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE Harry: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially Nightshade, desperately, as Harry bleeds out: YOUR B/00D TYPE Harry: Oh! B positive. Nightshade: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR B/00D TYPE Harry: --- Nightshade: How petty can you get? Harry: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about. --- Harry: I was thinking I'd do some magic- Nightshade: You? Magic? Harry, it says talent show. --- Nightshade: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Harry: What did you do? Nightshade: Nobody d!ed. Harry: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?! --- Nightshade: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Harry: You're like 15 years old Nightshade: I MIGHT D1E AT 30! --- Nightshade: It’s dark in here Cari: Don’t worry dude I got this Cari: *Stomps their feet* Cari: *Skechers light up* --- Nightshade: A theif. Harry: Thief? Nightshade: Theif. Harry: I before E, except after C. Nightshade: Thceif. Harry: No. --- Nightshade: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Harry: Harry: Nightshade, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Nightshade: *Sips coffee from bowl* --- Harry: You saved me. I owe you my life. Nightshade: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed --- Harry: Can you please be serious for five minutes? Nightshade: My record is four, but I think I can do it. --- Nightshade: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things. *Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder* Harry: *Out of breath* SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FRICKIN’ STAIRS. --- Harry: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much. Nightshade: Oh, you’ve been? Harry: Once. In Monopoly. --- Nightshade: If you've ever had a crush on me, god bless your poor, misguided heart. --- Harry: Don't let anyone else ruin your day! Nightshade: Yeah! You gotta take matters into your own hands! RUIN YOUR OWN DAY! Harry: NO! --- Nightshade: My name is Nightshade, but you can call me... Nightshade: *whips off glasses to reveal another pair of glasses underneath* Nightshade: a hazard to society --- Harry: When have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible? Nightshade: I keep a list. It's alphabetized. --- Harry: I don't know if they'll notice, but I slipped a short note into each of my friends' bags to remind them of how much I love them. Nightshade, pulling out a 100 page document from their bag: What the h3//- --- Harry: A good romance starts with a true friendship! Nightshade: And a bad romance starts with ra ra ra-a-a ro ma ro ma ma~ --- Nightshade: Did you know that atoms never touch each other? Harry: Nightshade: and since we're made of atoms Nightshade: we've never touched anything in our lives Harry: Nightshade: Nightshade: So to answer your question, no I did not punch that child --- Nightshade: Sleep is for the weak! Harry: Nightshade, honey, you're putting salt in your coffee- --- Harry: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper? Cari: I feel like we've all done that at least once. Nightshade: I ate it too- Cari: See? Nightshade:-On purpose... Harry & Cari: ...What? --- Harry: Are you sure this is the right direction? Nightshade: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest! Cari: In that case, we're definitely lost. ---
