Mean Dragon A Screenplay by Maxim M. Tiger INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - AFTERNOON Loving painter MR WALTER MOON is arguing with beautiful teacher MISS PIYA CAT. WALTER tries to hug PIYA but she shakes him off. WALTER Please Piya, don't leave me. PIYA I'm sorry Walter, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away. WALTER I am such a person! PIYA frowns. PIYA I'm sorry, Walter. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. PIYA leaves. WALTER sits down, looking defeated. Moments later, caring student MR THEO TORNADO barges in looking flustered. WALTER Goodness, Theo! Is everything okay? THEO I'm afraid not. WALTER What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... THEO It's ... a dragon ... I saw an evil dragon bite or fire a bunch of kittens! WALTER Defenseless kittens? THEO Yes, defenseless kittens! WALTER Bloomin' heck, Theo! We've got to do something. THEO I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. WALTER You can start by telling me where this happened. THEO I was... THEO fans himself and begins to wheeze. WALTER Focus Theo, focus! Where did it happen? THEO Chippewa Square, Savannah! That's right - Chippewa Square, Savannah! WALTER springs up and begins to run. EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS WALTER rushes along the street, followed by THEO. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way. EXT. CHIPPEWA SQUARE, SAVANNAH - SHORTLY AFTER THOMAS HOUSE a mean dragon terrorises two kittens. WALTER, closely followed by THEO, rushes towards THOMAS, but suddenly stops in his tracks. THEO What is is? What's the matter? WALTER That's not just any old dragon, that's Thomas House! THEO Who's Thomas House? WALTER Who's Thomas House? Who's Thomas House? Only the most mean dragon in the universe! THEO Blinkin' knickers, Walter! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean dragon in the universe! WALTER You can say that again. THEO Blinkin' knickers, Walter! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean dragon in the universe! WALTER I'm going to need swords, lots of swords. Thomas turns and sees Walter and Theo. He grins an evil grin. THOMAS Walter Moon, we meet again. THEO You've met? WALTER Yes. It was a long, long time ago... EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME A young WALTER is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him. He looks up and sees THOMAS. He takes off his headphones. THOMAS Would you like some chocolate? WALTER's eyes light up, but then he studies THOMAS more closely, and looks uneasy. WALTER I don't know, you look kind of mean. THOMAS Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean dragon in the world. WALTER Wait, you're a dragon? WALTER runs away, screaming. EXT. CHIPPEWA SQUARE, SAVANNAH - PRESENT DAY THOMAS You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. THEO (To WALTER) You ran away? WALTER (To THEO) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? WALTER turns to THOMAS. WALTER I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! WALTER runs away. To be continued
Part 2: He turns back and shouts. WALTER I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with swords. THOMAS I'm not scared of you. WALTER You should be. EXT. A CAVE - LATER THAT DAY WALTER and THEO walk around searching for something. WALTER I feel sure I left my swords somewhere around here. THEO Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords. WALTER You know nothing Theo Tornado. THEO We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, THOMAS appears, holding a pair of swords. THOMAS Looking for something? THEO Crikey, Walter, he's got your swords. WALTER Tell me something I don't already know! THEO The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. WALTER I know that already! THEO I love dragons. THOMAS (appalled) Dude! While THOMAS is looking at THEO with disgust, WALTER lunges forward and grabs his deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly. WALTER Prepare to die, you mean cucumber! THOMAS No please! All I did was bite or fire a bunch of kittens! PIYA enters, unseen by any of the others. WALTER I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those kittens were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Walter Moon defender of innocent kittens. THOMAS Don't hurt me! Please! WALTER Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away! THOMAS Because Walter, I am your father. WALTER looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself. WALTER No you're not! THOMAS Ah well, it had to be worth a try. THOMAS tries to grab the swords but WALTER dodges out of the way. WALTER Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, THOMAS slumps to the ground. THEO Did he just faint? WALTER I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly swords. WALTER crouches over THOMAS's body. THEO Be careful, Walter. It could be a trick. WALTER No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Thomas House is dead! WALTER What? WALTER Yes, it appears that I scared him to death. THEO claps his hands. THEO So your swords did save the day, after all. PIYA steps forward. PIYA Is it true? Did you kill the mean dragon? WALTER Piya how long have you been...? PIYA puts her arm around WALTER. PIYA Long enough. WALTER Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Thomas House. PIYA Then the kittens are safe? WALTER It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable kittens enter, looking relived. PIYA You are their hero. The kittens bow to WALTER. WALTER There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Thomas House will never bite or fire kittens ever again, is enough for me. PIYA You are humble as well as brave! One of the kittens passes WALTER a silver talisman PIYA I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. WALTER I couldn't possibly. Pause. WALTER Well, if you insist. WALTER takes the talisman. WALTER Thank you. The kittens bow their heads once more, and leave. WALTER turns to PIYA. WALTER Does this mean you want me back? PIYA Oh, Walter, of course I want you back! WALTER smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant. WALTER Well you can't have me. PIYA WHAT? WALTER You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a dragon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. PIYA But... WALTER Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Theo. THEO grins. PIYA But... THEO You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! PIYA Walter? WALTER I'm sorry Piya, but I think you should skidaddle. PIYA leaves. THEO turns to WALTER. THEO Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? WALTER Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm. Suddenly THEO stops. THEO When I said I love dragons, you know I was just trying to distract the dragon don't you? THE END
