*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Molly: So.Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Milky: ...I did.I broke it. Molly: No.No you didn't. Jade? Jade: Don't look at me. Look at Millie. Millie: What ? !I didn't break it. Jade: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Millie: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Jade: Suspicious. Millie: No, it's not! Useduser: If it matters, probably not, but Willow was the last one to use it. Willow: Liar! I don't even drink that ——! Useduser: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Willow: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles.Everyone knows that, Useduser! Milky: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Molly. Molly: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Useduser: Molly...Jade's been awfully quiet. Jade: REALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Molly, being interviewed: I broke it.I burned my hand so I punched it. Molly: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Molly: Molly: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here. ————- Molly: Rules are made to be broken. Milky: They were made to be followed.Nothing is made to be broken. Jade: Uh, piñatas. Millie: Glow sticks. Willow: Karate boards. Useduser: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Molly: Rules. Milky: ———— Molly: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? *At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away* B, watching Willow screaming, Useduser trying to set a sleeping Jade on fire, and Millie choking on air: I don't know either. ——— Molly: Milky is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do? Millie: Punch them in the stomach.Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them. Willow: Tackle them! Jade: Dump them. Useduser: Kick them in the shin! Milky: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!! (Molly doesn’t have a crush on Milky btw) ————- Molly: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* Milky: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents Molly: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you Jade: Actually I did the math, Milky would have $225, not $0.15. Milky: Fam I'm right here.... Millie: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) Molly: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please? Millie: Sorry I only have a dollar Molly: :( Jade: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Milky would have $22, 500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent Millie: If I had $22, 500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice Jade: You can buy anything you want with $22, 500 Willow: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice Jade: Apply juice to what Useduser: Directly to the forehead Milky: Great chat everyone —————— Molly: Between Jade, Millie, Milky, and Useduser -- if you had to -- who would you punch? Willow: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. Molly: Milky? Willow: Yeah, but I don't know why. *wheeze* ———— Molly: Fine! Judge all you want but... Molly, points at Useduser: Married a lesbian. Molly, points at Millie: Left a man at the altar. Molly, points at Milky: [censored]. Molly, points at Jade: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire. Molly, points at Willow: Lives in a box! ———- Molly: Milky kissed me! Millie: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Molly: It was unbelievable! Millie: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Jade: Okay, we wanna hear everything.Millie, get the wine and unplug the phone. Molly, does this end well or do we need tissues? Molly: Oh, it ended very well. Millie: Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Jade: Okay, alright, let's hear about the kiss.Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing? Molly: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it. Jade: Ohh...So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back? Molly: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair. Millie and Jade: Ohhh. *meanwhile* Milky eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them. Useduser: Tongue ? Milky: Yeah. Willow: Cool. ———- Molly: Dumbest scar stories, go! Jade: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Willow: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned. Useduser: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Millie: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn. Milky: I have emotional scars.
These are correct to /some/ degree. More quotes: Molly: Christmas lights? Milky: Check. Useduser: THermos of hot cocoa? Milky: Check. Jade: Santa suits? Milky: Check. Willow: Shovel? Milky: Check. Millie: Alibi and bail money? Milky: Check - wait, WHAT?! ————- Milky: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I'm late... I was... doing things. * Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder* Willow: * Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE ——- STAIRS. ————- Willow: Any idiot would know that. Milky: I knew that! Willow: See? —————- Blue: You bought a taco? Shortbread: Yes. Blue: From the same truck that hit Jade?! Shortbread, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help them. —————- Blue: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Jade: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~ Blue: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Shortbread, recording: This is so cute. ———— Blue: WHY. why did you give Jade a KNIFE?! Shortbread: I'm sorry.They said they felt unsafe. Blue: Now I feel unsafe! Shortbread: I'm sorry. Shortbread: ...would you like a knife? ————- Blue: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity? Shortbread: * turning to Jade* How tall are you? ————— Thorn: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Milky: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Thorn: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Milky: But I heard a siren. Hawthorn: That was Jasmine. Jasmine: Sorry, I got nervous. ——————- (lol Milky got poked?) Willow: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Silver: Silver: Willow, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Willow: * Sips coffee from bowl* —————— Willow: This is such a bad idea. Silver: Then why are you coming along? Willow: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong. ——————- Willow: So what's for dinner? Silver, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret. —————— Jasmine: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Milky: This knife is actually a magic wand. Willow: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel. Hawthorn: * cocks gun* Magic missile. Jade: What the —— is wrong with you people. At least Jade has common sense lmao
