Bluebonnet : If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited Aster : If? Valerian : Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die. Bluebonnet : I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on. Valerian : It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Aster isn’t Bluebonnet : I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Poppy : I witnessed the dumb stuff. Valerian : I recorded the dumb stuff. Champion : I joined in on the dumb stuff. Aster : I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!! Valerian and Bluebonnet are sitting on a bench Aster : Why do you guys look so sad? Valerian : Sit down with us so we can tell you. *Aster sits down* Bluebonnet : The bench is freshly painted. Poppy : *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Valerian : Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Aster : I personally was created in a lab. Bluebonnet : I just straight up spawned lol. Aster : On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three- Bluebonnet and Aster, in unison : Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks! Poppy : Our turn, Valerian! One, two, three- vanilla! Valerian, deadpan : I've never had cake, what is cake. Aster : Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Bluebonnet : Okay, but in my defense, Valerian bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. Aster : That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?! Aster : I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Bluebonnet : We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Aster : Yes! Valerian : I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you. Bluebonnet : Valerian and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Aster : *Sighing* What did Valerian do? Bluebonnet : They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... Valerian : Who wants a steering wheel? Bluebonnet : Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Valerian? Valerian : … No. Aster : I do! Bluebonnet : I know, Aster. Aster : I’m sad! Bluebonnet : I know, Aster. Cop : You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Valerian : Shoot. Poppy : Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Aster : OH MY GOD BLUEBONNET FELL OFF!!! Poppy : Why is Valerian so sad? Bluebonnet : They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes Poppy : And...? Bluebonnet : They got Aster. Poppy : Bluebonnet isn’t answering their phone Aster : I’ll call Poppy : Valerian and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi- Bluebonnet : Hello? Aster : How did none of you hear what I just said? Poppy : I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Bluebonnet : I got distracted about halfway through. Valerian : Ignoring you was a conscious decision. Poppy : Listen, I can explain... Valerian : You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000? Bluebonnet : You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000! Aster : You guys are getting paid? Aster, in a high voice, holding barbie : hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! Bluebonnet, in a deep voice, holding ken : nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids Valerian : what the heck are you guys doing? Aster : playing systemic oppression Valerian : I know you snuck out last night, Aster. Bluebonnet : Play dumb! Aster : Who's Aster? Bluebonnet : NOT THAT DUMB!!!
