multiple things here, I'll number them. 1. medication I'M FREAKING 17 IN LESS THAN FOUR MONTHS AND IT FEELS LIKE I'M BEING TREATED LIKE I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER MYSELF - OR MY MEDICATION... like, tbf, I'm actually really excited for camp now, so I kinda really want Monday to come, but there's just one thing that's making me freak- so at isle of wight camp everything was my responsibility and I really liked that. Just now, I got angry at my mum and stormed upstairs. We were packing and everything and on Sunday I was told that I can't have my medication with me and I started panicking. And now it's nearer the date I got even more panicked and angry and then my mum said "well, you can't!" in what sounded like a really mean way so I got angry. If I don't have my FREAKING medication with me at all times I panic. I have one I take daily (one that's kinda embarrassing so I don't really want anyone at youth camp to know), and one I take when I get the start of a migraine. I NEED THEM WITH ME AND I TRY TELLING PEOPLE THIS BUT THEY WON'T LISTEN TO ME!!! And it's making me completely freak. Whatever I say no one listens to me, my doctor even wrote a note saying I need to have my migraine stuff with me. I need it with me! I also need advice. 2. letting people down So you know how I was supposed to be inactive this week cause I was helping in the community. So last week I went to the isle of wight which a bunch of people I didn't know and started to make friends. This week we help in the local community. I went on Monday. Firstly, it's over an hour drive which makes me want to throw up out of a window. Secondly, it was seven hours long and I was d y i n g, my phone went from 70% to 30% in the day because I was so bored and screaming on my server then entire time. Thirdly, it felt like being in a classroom but with your phone, and I wasn't enjoying it. I don't want my summer to feel like school. And I don't wanna do anything unenjoyable in my Summer. It's going so quickly I wanna enjoy what's left of it, without d y i n g in a classroom like environment for 7 hours a day, with nothing to do. Thirdly...I feel like I just freaking let everyone down by dropping out. Last night they removed me from the group chat just as I was about to answer someone's question, and now last week feels like a waste of time getting to know everyone. We didn't not tell them or anything, my mum emailed the people the run the thing, so they do know, but the other 15 and 16 year olds were probably salty about it. Only one of them asked how I was- UGH BUT STILL I LET EVERYONE DOWN AND I FEEL RUBBISH ABOUT IT, PLEASE HELP. Also on the same topic I've been so inactive in SWC, and I'm not gonna do it again (too much history and stuff going on) but I feel really bad and rubbish about that I want to continually apologise what do I do. 3. the actor situation that doesn't concern cyclist but it just makes me really upset Okay, Angel does not have advice for me so probably no one does but I really do need to talk about this because I wanna sort it by camp- I have an entire list of things to do before Monday, crap- Basically a month ago I found out that one of my actors had been on vacation for two weeks and would still be there for another freaking half a month and she had a script due in a day. Fortunately my backup was on the ball (the backup I'd almost casted without thinking a couple of days before. Meaning I didn't cast her for that reason, just because I wanted backups. I actually thought she'd never play in it because I trusted said actor), but this "vacation person" I thought would always tell me everything, she was one of the people I trusted most and supposedly a good friend. On 3rd July I spoke to Angel about it (or 2nd) and she went to ask if they were doing the script, they actually did reply to angel and told her about vaca and said she *thought* I knew! THOUGHT?! wth- she even replied to an activity check a few days before- coincidentally an activity check reply sends but not one about vacation. AND I SENT LIKE FIVE MESSAGES ABOUT A SCRIPT DUE ON 4TH AND WHEN SHE SAW I HAD NO CLUE SHE COULD'VE SAID SMTH- so I spoke to the backup who did that script, and I also gave her S3E8, because yes. And I was wondering if the actress would contact me, but in my head I find it wrong to just give it to the backup for only one episode and then hand it back... she never even tried to message...never contacted. I've been waiting for over a month for her to just send a message and explain... (I'm crying now-) and I thought we were good friends. The medieval cyclist was her idea, she even drew lord ford, she loved the subtitles, we had funny conversation about cyclist characters, she even wrote the tune for the cyclist official song... (where the heck is that going now- I should do it some day), it's like she just disappeared, radio silence. she'd know that cyclist scripts are once a week, isn't she concerned that I haven't sent any?- (CONT IN N+C)
(CONT FROM INSTRUCTIONS) obviously now she'll never get her role back but it's making me so agitated, I just thought....she hasn't even bothered to contact me, that's all I wanted. And I said to Angel there's no way I could ask about it, too much anxiety. 4. Um the actress that won't reply to the activity check and did S3E11 before S3E10 the title. I'm so angry rn. S3E10 as I said is like the most strict script ever and high priority. She did S3P3 but not S2P8 and S3E11 but not S3E10 WHILST I WAS AT FREAKING CAMP...and hasn't done S3E10, the backup has done it for me, she also hasn't replied to the check and hasn't been on since BEFORE I got back. WHY. Well...selfishly I'm kinda hoping she doesn't reply to the check now...WHY AM I LIKE THIS?! 5. My mic broke But I'm getting an extension thing. I apologise Levi, I feel so so bad for asking for an extension until the 8th, but if my extension thing works for my mic (extension has so many meanings-) I can record Saturday. It's arriving tomorrow and I had to get my mum to order it because my card bounced back twice- I'M SORRY. AGH I FEEL AWFUL. 6. I keep getting memories of stuff I used to do on scratch Ugh. It sucks. :( and it hurts. 7. I'm in coach for over four hours on Monday. I can draw but not for the entire time, ideas anyone? https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/717283697/ / I think that's it. Heck that was long. If you're addressing all of these, just label your points with numbers. Also I wrote this in my server a day or two ago XD list of things that saved my life -dis(delete)cord -youtube -watt pad -turbowarp -levi
