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If a fly loses its wings is it now called a walk? Would Lightning Mcqueen get life insurance or car insurance? If you sweat in a sweater does that make you the sweater? What if every country has ninjas but we only know about Japan’s ninjas because they are bad at being ninjas? Why don’t your lips touch when you say touch but they touch when you say separate? Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you cook bacon and bake cookies? There’s probably times on the clock you’ve never seen. There’s places in your house you’ve never touched. Your house could be sitting on something worth millions but you’ll never know. An inflatable pool is just a portable puddle. Younger generations are being judged for being on their phones by a generation that bought pet rocks. There was a day your parents picked you up and put you down for the last time without realizing it was going to be the last time. Every time you clean something you just make something else dirty. A fart on earth is louder than a supernova. If you curse in morse code it can’t be censored because it is already a bunch of beeps Technically axes are chop sticks You’ve never even considered that it snows at sea, but it does. Chinese tourists buy souvenirs made in their own country. Smelling is just breathing normally and thinking about it more. You will never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace. When you're younger you try to impress people by how expensive your stuff is; when you're older you try to impress them by how cheap it is. We eat salt because someone in history decided to lick a rock and found it tasty You can’t jump without falling but you can fall without jumping Dying of old age is dying of not dying If you become a surgeon you're legally allowed to stab people. When banana bread gets moldy you wasted the bananas twice. Right now your making stories for your future kids You could’ve walked past a missing person and not realized they were missing Your tongue never sits comfortably in your mouth Every broken clock is telling you when it died Attics are just upside down basements There is another version of you in everybody else's mind The higher you go in a building the cleaner the stairs get Have you ever seen a fireman get a cat out of a tree? Banjos sound like guitars with southern accents If you buy a half sandwich your sharing a full sandwich with a stranger Amazon's most shipped item is a cardboard box Trees are just the slow-mo explosions of seeds People who stop you in public to try to sell you something are real life popup ads Checking your phone repeatedly when you have no friends is like checking the fridge expecting new food The guinness world record book probably has a record for most records recorded Phone cases are phone armor We eat chickens before they're alive and after they're dead Adults made the don’t talk back rule because kids were too good at roasting them Caramel is like honey had a hotter sister You and your best friend won’t be at each others funeral If you wear a wool sweater under a sheepskin jacket you are basically wearing an inside out sheep When you write on paper you make it slightly heavier 20 dollars is 1 adult dollar Cartoons inside cartoons are live-action in their universe Blind people have probably never known what it is like to be scared of the dark Gyms are a place where the customer works harder than the employee We trust banks with our money but they don’t trust us with their $2 pens If you play music loud enough you won’t hear any noise complaints Police should wear red and blue light up shoes for foot chases Due to coin flips, George Washington still makes decisions to this day A paper cut is a tree's last revenge Holding your breath to get rid of hiccups is like turning your lungs off and on again Every odd number has an E in it Electric toothbrushes can still do the job intended after they’re broken They say time heals everything? Yet it slowly kills you The first person to draw an optical illusion must’ve thought they were going insane Identical twins only have to apply for 1 gym membership Yawning is like the bodies 20% battery warning Nothing is on fire, fire is on things If you are clean when you get out of the shower, how do towels get dirty? If you get a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom Why are deliveries in ships called cargo when in a car it is called a shipment?
