Letticia: *tells the story about her friend's Loofah tree* Marine Science teacher: My daughter doesn't do the Elf on the Shelf, I don't know why. She's told me that she'll do it if *I* come over every night and move it, I'm like... YOU LIVE IN [place 45 minutes away]!! Me: I almost had a mental breakdown when I was 8 cuz I accidentally touched our Elf on the Shelf... Presley: Do you remember those stories about people finding, like, cameras in their elves' eyes? Teacher: You mean, like, to spy on the babysitters that take care of their kids? Presley: No, like, the elves they got from the store! Me: The FBI! Presley: Somebody needs to look it up... Teacher: I dunno, I still wanna look up what a Loofah tree is. Letticia: *looks up loofah trees* IT'S CONSIDERED A VEGETABLE WHAT THE HECK Marine science teacher: Alright, what does the lateral line do? Octavio: ...something. Classmate: Alex LOOKS like an Alex. Like, the first time I saw them, I was like, "They look like an Alex!" The class: *eating donuts and drinking coffee cuz our computer teacher is cool* Owen: This is where I see all of us in 10 years. Drinking coffee and eating donuts. Classmate: Yeah. At a high school. Owen: Hahaha, we're all gonna be high school teachers Teacher: You say that like it's bad. Owen: No, I'm saying it like it's likely! Jake: *points at Ryan* LIZARD MAN. Ryan: ...What? Marine science teacher: Alright, what's an example of a mollusk? Presley: (high-pitched voice) Suh-nay-ull. Teacher: Wh?? Why'd you sound like you were on helium when you said that??? The class: *giggling* Junius: We got like 5 slides left and only 15 minutes left of class, we're not gonna make it! Teacher: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT The class: *finishes the slides 5 minutes before class ends* Me: We did it!! YEAAAAH!!! *the class starts clapping* Teacher: *drops Smartboard marker* They said it couldn't be done... and we DID IT!! *throws paper onto her desk* *paper knocks over a picture of her daughter* Teacher: :O NO!! MY DAUGHTER!! *reading sonnet 90* English teacher: So, what he's saying is, love is like a fire, so his "tinder" wasn't returned. ...That's where [classmate] met her boyfriend. Classmate: *laughs* Teacher: Sorry, I didn't mean to call you out like that. Classmate: No, no! It was funny! English teacher: ...This apple juice doesn't have any sugar in it and it tastes weird. Me: Eugh... Teacher: Like, it just tastes like an apple! Me: I mean, apples on their own are good, but if the apple JUICE doesn't have any sugar in it... Classmate: If the juice tastes worse than the actual fruit, then there's a problem. Teacher: They had these in the teacher service center, so... Me: Oh, yeah, that sounds like it would... Teacher: It's called "Apple-y Ever After". Me: NO??? IN-CORR-ECT. Teacher: *laughs* English teacher: He's saying that her rejection makes his fire hotter. Alex: SO-- SO WHAT HE'S SAYING IS. Anytime he gets rejected, he throws a fit, and acts like a toddler, cuz he can't handle himself?? Like a child?? Teacher: Yeah. Alex: HE WROTE ABOUT HIS FIT. Me: He made a call-out post on Twitter. Alex: HE OUTED HIMSELF TOO!!! Teacher: He was a Renaissance F-Boy. Raychel: Love is a powerful thing. That may or may not result in a restraining order. Alex: Is he ON something?? Raychel: He's on love! Lavender: Opium. Alex: OPIUM???
