Ok ok I know that I may or may not be sending mixed messages everyday, or month.. o-o And I really don't want to send a negative or positive vibe at the wrong time.. I was literally happy/fine with my life yesterday, and now of course... But anyway, I'm not sure how to react right now because it's sudden and really doesn't seem real. I feel like it's not true, but it is, I know it is, and I don't know what to do. I only cried once, and right now I'm kind of just blank, pretending to be happy. Someone important in my life just died. I came home to my mom crying. I asked her what was wrong, and at first I really wasn't thinking it could be real, but eventually cried. Now I'm blank again, and I can't stop thinking about her and how her daughter must feel. I also feel like I shouldn't have felt sad because her daughter probably is feeling much much worse, like what's going to happen to her, and is she going to be okay? But what am I supposed to do? Cry? Why? I don't deserve to. I really don't know what to do. I don't expect anyone to comment or even care about me right now, but I still feel some sort of guilt because I haven't seen her a lot. She was so nice, quite frankly the nicest person i've ever met. she didn't deserve to die. Nobody deserves to die, despite anything that they have done. It's not fair. So if you have anyone important in your life that you may or may not have the best relationship with, I suggest that you try to reconnect with them or have some sort of empathy. I'm sorry. But please don't try to comfort me if you haven't experienced or felt this kind of pain and guilt. I don't know. sorry... I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just that you'll never know until it actually happens, and it's horrible. I don't know what to feel. Sorry for venting, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I'd rather talk to strangers online rather than real people which is a shame, i'm stupid.
