I think it's about time I let out one of my biggest vents I've ever had to face. Recently, this issue we're gonna talk about has been putting in unexplainable amounts of stress in my system to a level higher than I could've imagined. The pressure got so high, that I had no choice but to use a long explanation instead of just nitpicking parts of what I am going through. This story may be a bit strange for you, but trust me, autistic people like myself just deal with very unusual things unlike any other person does. So what's causing my body to be consumed by so much anxiety, you ask? Well, it's all in the natural habitat of sona OCs. Y'know? They are original characters that have (almost) the same personality as their creator in the real world. I have one too! But wait, doesn't almost EVERYBODY have one? Yeah, it's kinda cool that. Anywho, I bet you are already wondering what sona OCs have to do with my overwhelming stress. And the answer is... ...when it feels like they'll get into danger or they engage in a conflict. Um, yeah. Like I said, it may be strange to you, but here's why this gets me to black out for a moment. When sona OCs get into conflicts, it usually tells the story about their creator in the real world going over a sticky situation, and the thing to emphasize about it is how you can feel bad for what they had to go through. Usually my stress kicks in when the sona is a cat or a few certain other animals. Because, animal characters are the ones that inspire me the most in telling a story. There's also bonus blackout points awarded if the conflict happens in an area filled with nature (most effective places being a forest, with the runner-up being a cave). A good example of this takes place in Time Machine MAPs, where Sona OCs travel through a certain moment in a story to try to save other characters within it. Hoo boy, those give me the heaviest uneasiness out of everything else. Not saying they're bad though. Now you may think that doesn't represent the irl creators' stress in life, but I still somehow think it does in some way. Other examples include roleplays and Alternate Universes (AUs). Sona conflicts can happen there too, but the stomach-knotting may not be so major. Whatever this effect is called, I should've probably found a way to get ready for it sooner so that it could've been all avoided. But nope, I guess it came by without a warning I guess. Oh, but you wanna know the worst part? My brain goes, "But David, don't you want to see what happens in those animations??? I know you'd love to be filled with pure inspiration on being an author!!!" And so, I have just watched myself be in a moment of time I wish I could take back. It was too late to forget about it now, because it has already consumed most of my thought process by the time I got to watching, and it has to unfortunately stay in there for at least +1-3 weeks before being eventually neutralized. That sure is gonna add difficulty to focusing in school, gosh darnit. OK, so let's say that the person who made all those animations featuring their sona - most of them containing conflicts - moves on from being active to enter a new stage in their life in the real world. I should be safe, right? NOT!!! My mind suddenly says, "Oh look, they left! How do you feel now, all disappointed that they'll never come back to making content for your huge temptation into seeing their sona OC explore the world within?" Yep, that's right, that feeling of wanting to see more of their sona in conflict/exploration stuff kicks in. You may recall I made a project ranting about artists leaving the internet to do better things. Well, the following sentences probably proves another factual claim for that. I have gotten so much of that "inspiration" from watching all of those animations with those sona OCs' issue dealing, that I realize I have gotten the mind switch of wanting to get more, more, and, you guessed, MORE of it. But the animators are gone now, and thus I become the only one that can continue the job. Oh, what's that? I don't think my art style would fit my expectations into doing so? That's just sad. Oh well, more lingering stress for me it is! ...whoops. I did NOT mean to try to let out some sign of offense to you there. If I did, then I strongly apologize. I am only stressed that I had to be in this unusual problem of mine again. It's probably gonna hit me a few more times in the future, too. So yeah, that's my big vent. It might just be me, but since I think this unprecedented stress issue is a problem hardly anyone in the world gets, I would like to declare myself unlucky for getting it. Heck, it may have been there all along since I was little. It also could've even come from my perfectionism for all I care. Maybe when the day of finally realizing that I shouldn't stress out over an animation comes, I'll unfortunately have to be in the endless cycle of anxiety, enjoyment, and anxiety again. I'll never escape... </3
Again, this vent isn't meant to cause any harm to anyone's feelings. Don't worry about what it's saying in the drawing, that's only what my thoughts are telling me. It's just that I'm trying to let this issue of mine out of my system in order to collect myself better. Even when I gain unprecedented anxiety from it, I am a fan of animation in any style, shape, and concept. I think every character that comes along with it too are the most beautiful I have ever seen, and the fact you can make one that can represent you in the real world really puts a bigger smile on everyone's inspiration for art, including mine. With this, I still think animation deserves some infinite love from everyone. Thank you for understanding.
