So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you Saying, "I'm sorry for that night..." I go back to December all the time. I bet you can guess what this is about. You remember just before break started in December? What happened in my personal life? I realized I never said sorry. It was my fault, anyway. I was the one who called you names and I should have been the one to stand up and not fall apart when you shot them back at me. I'm the real monster. Not you. And the I heard this song on the radio and realized I never had the courage to tell you sorry. I just couldn't say it. My mind was too set on hating you. And then when my heart made me work up the courage to apologize, you were already gone. I never had the courage. I was too afraid. Of course, there's tons of stuff I want to tell you that I'm too afraid to say, not even on a note. I regret not answering your calls on skype and hanging up the phone and ignoring you completely. I didn't even want to admit I cried myself to sleep. And on the way to the bus. And back home. Pretty much all the time. Basically I'm just saying I'm sorry. But I want it to be more than that. Last time I said sorry, I didn't sound like I meant it and you didn't sound like you believed it. For real, I am sorry as I ever could be. I honestly thought it was all over, that we wouldn't be friends anymore, and I'm glad that's not what happened. You seem to have forgotten all about it already, but I didn't. It's always lingering in the back of my mind. I knew one day I would have to say something before it was too late and I transferred to a different school. The other stuff I can't tell you I believe I won't ever be able to tell you. I'm weak that way, even though I don't look or feel like it or even seem to care. I don't cry often, but all the time I'm holding back tears. I have to say, I took all my anger out on a pillow last night. I as that upset and angry with myself. I know what you're gonna say, you're gonna try to comfort me and tell me it wasn't my fault and that it was yours, but it wasn't. I started it and I'm going to end it right here.
