While scrolling through my old writing, I came across this short story that I thought would be fun to rewrite. I also decided to make a drawing to go along with it because why not? Anyway, going to jump right into it: Original: Seahorse purred as she watched her four week old kits play-fight on the beach. When they got a bit too rough and sand started flying, she decided it would be a good idea to distract them from their scuffle before one of them got hurt. “Mako, Lionfish, come here,” she called, beckoning them with her dolphin-like tail. They did as they were told, minus a bit of complaining, and clumsily trotted across the beach to her, their tiny webbed paws sinking into the sand. “Yes mama?” Mako asked, cocking his head curiously. Seahorse shifted her body to face them. “Well, I figured I should tell you a story.” She thought for a heartbeat, before adding, “actually, more like history. This is the tale of how we came to be, and it’s as true as true can get.” Seahorse gave her white and orange speckled fur a few quick licks before continuing. She glanced around the beach and noticed a piece of driftwood wash up on the shore, the calming sound of waves giving her a hint of contentment. “Lionfish, could you fetch me that stick?” Her fluffy, white-furred kit with orange ears and a faded tabby muzzle puffed out the his chest proudly. “Yes mama,” he mewed confidently, his amber eyes shining. Lionfish hopped through the sand, his body sinking into it with every jump. He finally reached the stick and retrieved it, picking it up in his jaws and returning it to his mother. “Thank you,” she meowed. She flexed her claws and picked up the branch in her mouth. Seahorse drew a figure in the sand, the same species that she and her kits were: a sea dweller. Believing her kits would listen better with visual aids, she etched out each defining feature of her kind: the webbed paws, the sleek fur, the dolphin-like tail, the gills on the neck, and the dorsal fins along the tail, back, and chest. She turned to her kits. “This is a sea dweller, what we are. We live in a big group called the Sea Tribe. Our Tribe is known as the most swift and the most organized. Our army is very light on their paws and is excellent in hunting and battle. Breathing underwater gives us a huge advantage,” She pointed her head toward her gills and picked up the stick again, returning to her sand canvas. The orange and white sea dweller drew another creature on the ground, this one smaller than the other. “This is a sand dweller, also known as a member of the Sand Tribe. Notice the lizard-like tail. See the frills on its neck? A lot of times they help you know what mood you have to deal with. They remain tucked in if the sand dweller is sad, confused, or content, while they extend out if they’re excited, angry, scared, or surprised. They look similar to a frilled lizard, which you might see one day. They are known as the most cunning Tribe, and mainly use their wits. They can survive for extended periods without food or water, and their advantage is that they’ve adapted to the desert heat. You won’t see them often, and I’ll get into that in a second.” Seahorse etched out yet another animal in the sand, this one was the largest of the three, and looked incredibly intimidating. “This,” she meowed, drawing the final details, “is a forest dweller. Mako, what do you think the group of them is called?” Mako sat up erectly from his laying position and answered almost immediately. “The Forest Tribe. Right?” Seahorse nodded. “They’ve got antlers like a deer, which can easily be used to defend themselves or fight anything they think is a threat. They’ve also usually got darker fur colors so they can blend in in the forest, and a tail like a raccoon’s. I believe they’re the most protective of their territory than any other Tribe, and they’ll attack intruders, no exceptions. They’re known as the Tribe with the most strength and ambition.” She abruptly drew a messy line with her claw between the sand dweller and the forest dweller. “The Forest Tribe was the first to break off from our alliance. For years, the three Tribes lived in peace, but our differences set us aside, and the forest dwellers were the first to notice this. Staying true to their name, the Forest Tribe claimed the stretches of trees around the island.” Seahorse drew another jagged line, this one through the sea and sand dwellers. “Us, the sea dwellers, were the second Tribe to break away. We retreated to the seas and beaches, claiming them for our territory. And lastly,” she meowed, pointing to the sand dwellers with her tail. “The sand dwellers were the only tribe left, and they took the large stretches of desert right over there.” She craned her neck to point to some land a few miles away. Apparently I never finished it, one of the reasons it deserved a rewrite. While this version is okay, it's nowhere near perfect, and apparently I didn't know dividing paragraphs was a thing lol
This was before my WoF ocs and apparently I thought Mako was just that good of a name lol I tried to put the rewrite in the description but apparently it was too long, here's a link instead: Rewrite: https://docs.gogle.com/document/d/1FackooiTApQHLEa4i-O3Cva72TYDBS1S4vbG2V_3M-s/edit?usp=sharing (but google instead of gogle bc the stupid bad word detector wouldn't let me type it) Artwork and writing belongs to me, @SunstripeDraws I suggest viewing the art in fullscreen for better quality Song: Stressed Out- Twenty One Pilots Commentary, questions, suggestions? Feel free to share them in the comments! Hope you guys enjoyed this short story, it was super fun to rewrite after so much time :)
