Originally shared 2/8/2020 Obviously I'm not off the internet completely but the sentiment still stands. Take care of yourself
have some vent art~~~~~~ EDIT 2/15/20 // if you’re here to say something negative or rude, leave. i don’t care what you have to say. you aren’t welcome here. i've been on scratch for almost 4 years now. i went by @mehmehca04 for about 2 years and then changed to this account because i wanted a new start. i don't know why i switched accounts. scratch started out as a getaway from the pressures of life, where i could draw whatever i want without people being judgemental, no matter how bad it was. i think i just wanted a new start away from all the problems on the old account. and the problems were my own fault. i've always bit off more than i can chew on everything i do, not just on scratch, but in real life too. it's also probably the reason i'm such a procrastinator, which makes me stressed. in summer 2019, that's when i started noticing that every time i get on scratch i get stressed. i felt like i was obligated too. i felt like if i don't check on scratch every 20 minutes i'd miss something important and i'd get behind on something and i'd just fall deeper and deeper into the hole. late october 2019 comes around, and i was blocked. i was blocked for about 2 weeks. and to be honest with you, it was the best 2 weeks of my life. it felt like i had no obligations to scratch, i didn't have anything due for anybody, i didn't have to maintain my status here or anything. it was fantastic. on november 12th i was unblocked, and as soon as i logged back in and saw the piles of messages i had i sunk back down to the bottom of the hole. the new year arrived, and i was still stressed as ever. i was checking messages way too often. just last week, my screentime report on my phone said i was on scratch for almost 8 hours that week alone. that is not good. i was addicted to scratch. it was a problem. so i feel like it's best if i say bye for now. i know i've tried to leave scratch before. my conscience always drags me back here though. "how many messages could i possibly be missing right now?" "who do i have art due for?" "how many things do i HAVE to do for other people?" "how many people would i disappoint if i left?" "what would they say?" "what would they do?" and now that i have a following of over 2000 people these questions have just gotten more and more significant in my own brain. i know i'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill but i don't want to disappoint or offend anyone. that was never my intention. and now the big question: am i leaving? and the answer: yes. please don't freak out. the reason is because i want to focus on my own personal life instead of worrying about my persona on a screen. you don't know who i am in real life, just like i don't know who you are in real life. and real life is what matters. real friends matter. relationships among people matter. real conversation matters. everything on a computer is artificial. yes you can make friends, but you can never truly know someone unless you know them in person. that's why i'm leaving. i want to better myself in basic human skills like conversing, confidence, and everything else it takes to be a basic human because i feel like ever since i joined scratch i've become a sort of recluse to my friends and family. so that's why i'm leaving, and i urge you to look into yourselves too. try to better yourself in some way or another. maybe it's trying a new skill or hobby. maybe it's strengthening your relationship with your family or friends. maybe it's getting out of your comfort zone. but whatever you do, don't waste away your life in front of a screen. it's not fun, and i can speak from personal experience. (ps. i'll still check comments every few months bc i like talking with you guys.) have a great day and drink some water. -Lolii <3
