So uh- I just need to talk, i’m not gonna bother making art for this, since i feel as if my art is trash and uh yeah- and uh- anyways I just need to talk about how I feel so sucky and gross and really tired all the time now- so for the next- let’s say, I don’t know, until I rot away,- expect just a bunch of filler projects and vents. I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I have no motivation, and no energy, mental and physical, to do anything. All I feel good enough to do is just endlessly support people the best I can, and then magically fall back into the rabbit hole because of the extreme amount of overwhelmingness and negativity that is pressured onto me. I’d prefer if you guys would altogether stop complimenting me and stuff, it makes me feel so so sick, like pretty much a dysphoric feeling- to those of you who try to support me- uh- thanks, but- everything just seems so meaningless and tiring. I’m tired, of people telling me how to feel, how to act, and how me being me isn’t good enough. Is it wrong that I literally just expect everyone I meet to just turn and backstab me? It’s happened so many times, and just- it’s not okay to hurt people. I now believe I suffer with many many trust issues, and topping that, I honestly think I have quite a few disorders, but all of the dead-beat adults in my life don’t listen to my constant cry for help. I’m not allowed to feel better, or get help with things I have problems with. I’d uh- prefer more if you guys don’t leave a comment on this saying stuff like “feel better,” because it hurts more than an insult right now. What does better feel like? I mean yeah, I have my ups and downs, for small amounts of time, but other than that my life is a grey, numb, cycle, having lost out on a lot of childhood wonders and dreams, and actually a good imagination at a very young age, due to being exposed to things I shouldn’t have been exposed to. The world is moving too fast, and then too slow, I’m done with it. Click boom, and it happens, I wish I was a hundred years old right now, because boy, bet your dollar, I’m tired of living. Maybe I was a mayfly in a past life, they have short life spans- and no, I mean none of this in an edgy way, I’m just saying, that it’s so fatiguing to have to live for years and years on end. I wish I could just sleep a few years away, and come back when the world is a better place, and when I’m actually allowed to control myself, without these emotional chains holding me back to a wall, with literally no escape. I’m done. I’m just really done with everyone’s drama, and everyone’s fighting. I kind of shouldn’t say this, but- I think everyone could use a good lesson about how to actually solve problems. Make amends, don’t let the negativity sit, solve it. Be willing to say sorry, you don’t have to be wrong to apologize. It’s fine to apologize, as long as you’re willing to A, sincerely say it, B, accept that everyone has a perspective, and C, be willing to forgive/be forgiven. So please- all I ask is that you be kind. It hurts when people aren’t.
