Theo had heard rumors about this arcade, but even for him they seemed outlandish. A bleeding arcade cabinet? Nonsense. But Theo wanted to know for sure. "Are you the owner?" He timidly asked the man at the front. "I wish I wasn't." The man said, somewhat reluctantly. "You here to investigate, or somethin'?" "I am. Do you mind?" "As long as you ain't gonna tell the cops. I can't afford to have my arcade shut down." "They wouldn't believe me if I tried, sir." "Take as long as you need. Just be careful around that thing." "Get back!" Theo heard an electronic voice cry out. "Stay away! Get any closer, and I'll kill you!" "Listen, I'm here to help you." Theo navigated his way through the arcade towards the voice. "What I hear happened to you didn't seem fair, and I--" "Help me? Help me?! Are you blind?! How are you not seeing the state I'm in?!" "My God..." Theo found the cabinet. There it was, laying sideways, its screen cracked, coins spilled into a pile on the floor, a puddle of damp blood underneath it. "I told you." The screen of the cabinet flickered lightly as his animated mouth moved, syncing to his words. "You still gonna try to 'help' me?" "Yeah. Yeah, I am. The world is ending, and this shouldn't be how you spend your last days with the rest of humanity." Theo smiled lightly. "What do you mean?" The cabinet raised a pixelated eyebrow. "You're immune to the radiation." "What radiation?" "I-I'll explain once we get home." Theo held an arm out towards the machine. "Please, just let me help y--" A tangled bunch of wires reached out and slapped Theo's hand. "No." "Why? What if I *am* able to save the planet? Would you rather just lay here and decay?" "What makes you think you can stop the apocalypse, even if it does happen?" "I-- Well-- I guess I just... uh... think it's possible if I try hard enough." "I like you, kid. You've got dedication. Just the kinda thing I like. How about this: I'll let you take me home with you if you can fully restore me to the machine I used to be, organs and all. You think you can do that?" "I think I can." Theo beamed. "Well, go ahead and see what you can do about taking me with you." The cabinet smiled. Theo quickly walked back to the owner. "Do you mind if I take the game with me?" "The sooner I have it off my hands, the better." "H-how much do you want for it?" "Payment won't be necessary. Just take it." "O-oh. Alright, then. Thank you!" . . . "Is there a name in particular that you want me to call you?" Theo asked. "Just call me Cabinet Man."
Neil Cicierega - Lemon Demon, Spirit Phone, "Touch-Tone Telephone", "Cabinet Man"
