So do any of you remember those Super Mario Bros. cartoons from the 1930s? The ones that were just put out on Scratch a few years ago? Well, I hear there is one that was unreleased to even the most avid classic smb fans. According to sources, it's nothing special. It's just a continuous loop (like Flinstones) of gray and white Mario past 2 walls that goes on for two or three minutes before fading out. Unlike the cutesy tunes put in though, the song on this cartoon was not a song at all, just a constant banging on a piano as if the keys for a minute and a half before going to white noise for the remainder of the film. It wasn't the old mario we've come to love either, Mario wasn't dancing, not even sad, just kind of walking as if you or I were walking, with a normal facial expression, but for some reason his head tilted side to side as he kept this dismal look. Up until a year or two ago, everyone believed that after it cut to black and that was it. When Leonard Maltin was reviewing the cartoon to be put in the complete series, he decided it was too junk to be on Scratch, but wanted to have a digital copy due to the fact that it was a creation of MarioMaster48032alt . When he had a digitized version up on his computer to look at the file, he noticed something. The cartoon was actually 9 minutes and 4 seconds long. This is what my source emailed to me, in full (he is a personal assistant of one of the higher executives at Scratch, and acquaintance of Mr. Maltin himself): "After it cut to black, it stayed like that until the 6th minute, before going back into Mario walking. The sound was different this time. It was a murmur. It wasn't a language, but more like a gurgled cry. As the noise got more indistinguishable and loud over the next minute, the picture began to get weird. The sidewalk started to go in directions that seemed impossible based on the physics of Mario walking. On the 7th minute, the murmur turned into a bloodcurdling scream (the kind of scream painful to hear) and the picture was getting more obscure. Mario's face began to fade apart. his eyes rolled on the bottom of his stache' like two marbles in a fishbowl, and his curled smile was pointing upward on the left side of his face. Even when it did that, there was ghasts murdering someone. The buildings became swirling floating in midair and the sidewalk was still impossibly navigating in warped directions, a few seeming inconcievable with what we, as humans, know about direction. Mr. Maltin got disturbed and left the room, sending an employee to finish the video and take notes of everything happening up until the last second, and afterward immediately store the disc of the cartoon into the vault. This distorted screaming lasted until 8 minutes and a few seconds in, and then it abruptly cuts to Mario's face at the credits of the end of every video with what sounded like a broken music box playing in the background. This happened for about 30 seconds, and whatever was in that remaining 30 seconds I haven't been able to get a sliver of information about. From a security guard working under me who was making rounds outside of that room, I was told that after the last frame, the employee stumbled out of the room with pale skin saying "Real suffering is not known" 7 times before speedily taking the guards pistol and offing himself on the spot.
