Two - Good Enough Raymond came over to the sidewalk to talk to me again the next day, a couple minutes earlier than usual. I agreed to meet at my house the next Friday. I wrote our plan down in my notepad so I could let Mom know. “But there’s another thing I want to tell you,” Raymond said. I nodded as if to say “Go ahead.” He understood and began talking. “I’m not gonna lie, a lot of people would consider me one of the cutest guys in the grade…” I couldn’t resist giggling a little. “And they think that I… that I walk away from the other girls because I think I’m too good for them.” You’re definitely too good for someone in the likes of me, I thought. “Truth is, it’s the exact opposite.” I was shocked. You’re wonderful! I can’t believe you would think of yourself that way, I wrote hastily. He gently pushed my hand back and tried to explain. “My self-esteem is pretty messed up,” he added. “And I get that. It feels so strange, you know, for others to see you as this great person, and not have them know who you’re actually in love with.” I began writing again. Stop it right this minute! Are you saying I’m the reason you think you’re not good enough? “Don’t take it like that,” he interjected. “I want to be with you. I really do. But I feel like they won’t like me anymore if they found out…” This could get messed up pretty quickly, I decided. You’re right, I wrote. He nodded thoughtfully. “But I don’t want to keep lying to them, no matter the cost. What should I do? And besides, word about our Friday ‘thing’ next week will get out pretty quickly, knowing how news spreads here.” Mom still hadn’t gotten here yet, much to my relief. You can tell them, I wrote. But, I don’t want to get dragged into it. “That’s all good,” he replied. “Now, I should get going. See you Thursday!” He took the bus on Mondays and Wednesdays, since he didn’t have other things like sports practice and meet-ups with his out-of-school orchestra on those days. No wonder his other classmates think he’s so impressive, I thought. He was, though. I watched as Mom pulled up by the sidewalk. When we got home, I told (well, signed to) Mom that Raymond and I would be meeting the Friday after this one. She seemed happier about it today. I almost brought up my conversation with Raymond today, but I decided that it would be better if I didn’t tell her. I set those thoughts aside to think about the next week, of which would be a great one. What would Raymond tell them when he… confesses about… our relationship? The thought hit me like a chunk of hail, hard and surprising. I trusted him not to say anything bad about me, but the ‘not dragging me into it’ part was a ‘no promises’ sort of thing. It wasn’t guaranteed that I wouldn’t get an avalanche of questions soon.
