Please Read This is Me <33 Reflection (12/23/21) - This was a really strange time in my life and tbh I still think about this exact post a lot. I AM an artist, but I was trying to hide the fact that I love art with something that I thought seemed cooler and I was more confident at the time. Coding seemed really cool to me at the time and like a real job that I could have as an adult. Sure, I liked art but it wasn't as cool as smth so "masculine" and not "not like other girls" as coding (oh boy my "not like the other girls" phase peaked in this grade/5th grade. I was just a baby trans boy who thought he was just different from the other girls :'0). I can also tell just by looking at this that I was not confident in the art I was making at the time, and it makes me kinda sad. I know my art wasn't the best and it still isn't to this day, but I just gave up trying for a while. I can also see signs of a possible breakdown over my art and life in general. In 2018, I dealt with a lot of bullying issues and you could see it in the vent-y-ness of my art. I was also starting to learn more about my identity which was scary for me. I saw so many signs that I wasn't cis and straight in the projects I have saved on this acc (*cough cough* the Cut my Hair Meme, my main OC Jacki literally being genderfluid, and the planned Reflection MAP). Dealing with my identity on top of bullying seems to have caused a lot of stress on my end. I'm glad I ended up sticking with making art, but wow does this tell a lot about how fragile I used to be and how easily I quit when I was overwhelmed with failing (or not being perfect, because my art by no means was a failure) and real-life emotions. It is so interesting to look back on this and see how much more mature I've gotten and how my view of myself and worth has changed. I still struggle with accepting things that aren't perfect (including myself) but I think I'm a lot stronger now and know much more about who I truly am.
Music: This is Me: The Greatest Showman Umm... also sorry if I owe you anything... but I'm not doing art anymore so... I mean I'll do little bits in Scratch. But not in FireAlpaca because I don't have it anymore... Also if you owe me any art forget about it. Its fine if you don't do it. I don't really care. All though, I will have some OCs just different ones. You will see soon what I'm talking about. Also, I will mostly be making games uwu
