You’re back to three You’re living free You have nothing to hurry And therefore no worries You’re barely self conscious And kind of obnoxious You’re curious and ignorant You’re unserious and illiterate You barely notice your parents fighting And after that you don’t even remember It’s just so normal that they’re separated. But now you’re starting school And you start to wonder if you’re cool And you have to wake up early So you can get your hair all curly And your teeth white and pearly It’s not easy to make a new friend Eventually you do And call it a friendship that’ll never end At least in your own head. The older kids walk by all tired and wired And although you don’t understand why, You wish to be as cool as them As casual even. You want to be tall like them You want to make calls like them, But as you grow into their skin You know why it’s easier to be Young and dumb Because now you’re numb. Although you were aware You didn’t think it could happen You have to start your social life All over Because your parents fought again. But you guess since it’s beginning to be a drag It won’t be so bad. The parent that was actually telling you About this whole two year fight Asks you a serious question You answer blindly, And fall into a deep sleep See a dream disguised as a nightmare You’re shot and you wake up terrified The gun was pointing at you Not to shoot your body But rather the emotional pain in your brain. The gun was the argument's resolution. The bullet was a new school, a slight custody change. Luckily you’re starting as the school year begins, like everyone else. It seems like a miracle That in two weeks you were able to make two friends. You don’t have to lie to your parents for five and a half years Saying that you have friends (You don’t know why your dad held onto this for so long anyways.) That is until a year or two later When his question resurfaces And you start to question your answer. They all say: “This is the only true way You have to stay If you have a trial You can turn to us, okay? Besides, everything happens for a reason You get these challenges to grow.” You wonder: Could a victim turn to their bully and talk about the problems the bullying causes? Could you ask your homework the answers to its own problem? They tell you not to compare it to that But what they see as such power You are starting to see as just a concept It’s just taking up hours It seems to you like the power isn’t being used to its fullest. And it’s because life is so unfair when it could be just the opposite But no, we are to be tested in this life for the better of us. You wonder why we couldn’t just be perfect in the first place. You’d be disappointing one side If you chose not to slide Into humanity disguised as more More as in eternal truth, happiness, and life. But yourself and the other if you did. Speaking of eternal life You’re in an unnecessary crisis You’re wondering your purpose Why we exist What there is after this. Something as simple as colors And how we see things Trigger you into this sinkhole And it’s a cycle. What’s going on in your mind is too much to handle You wish you could put it out like a candle. It’s mysterious but it hurts You’re curious but it is of no worth As hard as it is on the inside, The struggle of life begins to externalize. The world isn’t sparkles and rainbows, It is war and destruction Although you didn’t think it would ever happen in your lifetime. But all anyone has to say is that history repeats itself. Life is getting hard to keep up with You’re trying as hard as you can You’re swapping sleep for studying And you wonder if it’ll be worthwhile, Because that’s what you keep telling yourself Nothing feels achieving It just keeps coming You wonder if people are perceiving, Because you want them to But at the same time you don’t You feel yourself start to slip away And you try not to lose touch But there’s always this: Am I overreacting? What is it that I’m even so off about? You call yourself an attention seeker, as would society, although you haven’t even told anyone. You feel guilty because there seems to be no real reason You think that maybe it’s the season The feeling continues to drag and you’re stuck waiting Waiting for the life For the fun And to be free You have questions about life But the truth is, life doesn’t answer Ever. Once you realize this, the storm begins to calm. You are focused on what you can control. You are no longer sinking But rather at peace with yourself And fine with your position. “It feels good to not care anymore,” You tell yourself. You come to so many realizations and slowly float up to the surface, Leaving behind the heavy stress which weighed you down. You may not get there for a while but You know that you will, and that it may be hard And that it’s possible that you’d be shoved right back under But you know that it won’t be your fault.
