blue there's a kinda positive thank you at the bottom in notes </3
hey guys... if you guys r reading this, I might stop posting maybe not idk... its because I've been losing my motivation lately, its maybe the lack of sleep or the fact some of the communities I'm in are so toxic, first of all, stealing my coding and art without crediting me. oh God.. that was so tireding to see, and having random 'freaky' jokes aimed at me isn't funny anymore. I'm not dating anyone anymore, and I don't think I want to or will, I had TONSS of exs that my friends might know of, (I see you Kate... I think.. am I slowly forgetting my friends names?? THATS ALSO I THIMG I NEED TO RANT, BUT CAITIE, CATE, KATE.) I'm not here to be depressing right now, but lying to my friends about the reason I started... going back to my addict is really bad, it wasn't my sister who made me addicted to.. bad stuff, it was one of my friends! I'm not going to say her name but she keeps telling me these personal things that she has been doing behind her parents backs because shes hates them, and she started doing bad.. things... and telling me about it.. I don't mind my friends really, but now I think I'm slowly turning distant, annoying, childish to them, maybe I'm the problem here? its hard to think now, when people call me Anthony or evanna, I know they're calling for me, but i don't actually feel them saying it, I feel like another clone of myself, a faker, not real. I don't know what to do at this point, I just want to be POSITIVE. I don't want to be depressing, its the reason all my old friends left, right. I need to change, but I don't know how, its an addiction like all the others, am I too weird? maybe. but I do know one thing, I promised someone I trust well online I promised them I wont do it, I wont give up just yet, no, not yet, never, I will never do it, I'll continue walking through my journey, I'll do it for them, I promise to them I'll be with them aswell, they told me they'll be with me until I'll get sick of them (but I literally doubt I'll get sick of my pookie), if I'm gone, then what would be the point? Ill stay alive. I wont give up. I wont die, never, only until someone strikes or time gets pass. I wont die, I wont, I promised to them. I'll continue with a smile, and I'll promise it will be a true smile. not a fake one I wont let anybody bring me down, not anymore. I wont bring my negativity down, no, I wont. I'll continue surviving just for all my friends, and THEM. thanks to them, I think I can live normally soon, thanks to blue, I know I can live normally. thanks to them, I know I can be myself just for once. thank you blue for being a great friend, I know I'm not the best at showing it with my reckless behavior and rude manners, but I REALLY do care about you. every problem you get yourself in because of me makes me so angry, you don't deserve it, I don't deserve someone so great, responsible and AMAZING like you, I cant believe how lucky I am just to have you, your amazing, wonderful, FUNNY, creative infact, you say your art is terrible when actually your AMAZING, everything you do is amazing, the times I used to play games with you were so memorable, im still so glad that I have you, none of my friends are great as YOU, blue. I don't know why or how you literally keep up with all my mistakes this year, I cant explain or say how shocked, happy, amazed I am that your STILL here, blue, please just listen to me right here. please, never let your parents, schools, rude people bring you down like how mine did, your amazing and funny, the best person anybody could ask for, don't let the negativity get to you, don't let anybody get YOU down, don't let ANYTHING get you down, if you want something, AIM FOR IT, don't late nobody lower your aim. just please, I don't know if we'll be friends in the far future, but god I wish and beg that we are. but if we still are, just please promise me back that you wont let anybody bring you down like how people did to me, I don't want you almost becoming like me with my problems. but thanks to you, I think my problems are slowly fading away, I threw some of the bad things Ive been doing away, yet I'm still fighting over the addiction, but I promised you I'll be with you until one of us separates as well, so thank you blue, thank thank thank YOU, thank you for being here on earth, thank you for EXISTING, thank you and angel, thanks to your friend angel for inviting you to that stupid RP I made. thank you, I know I said thank you so many times already, but Im just too glad your here. so thank you blue. thank you for being here.
