some of you know this sort of already btw so I've been feeling so sensitive about my art lately, I've honestly just been so upset with myself that I fail to reach the goals of other people, like wow, that person has 1k and its only been a year? wow, that person is so much better at animating and got into maps I don't get accepted into, but is younger than me? I know, I need to stop comparing myself to others, but i've just honestly been in a huge state of panic myself, I feel like I can never reach the goals I want, or have things turn out the way I want (coughs art) like urrghh can my digital art look as good as my traditional please? also I would like to say that I've really been sensitive about how people interact with me, like sometimes if someone doesn't respond to me within 24 hours my brain hits the alarm and says "they hate you they hate you they want nothing to do with you your just a little annoying brat who posts cringe art online" and even when I know its not true, it just keeps happening...not to mention I've also been getting really self-negative thoughts about myself too-- "gold your being too annoying stop" my brain tells me, "you should take that art/animation down, its kinda cringe" "everyone thinks your art is bad but says its good to make you feel good about yourself", stuff like that, I hope u understand where I'm coming off of this is really hard to explain :P and one more thing, I would like to mention I think this started happening during late september-october-ish, I feel like I'm annoying around people, irl and online, I'm constantly worried that im being backstabbed and talked about in a bad way. this developed because around that time, september-october, me and my friend (who will remain anonymous out of comfort) and this really famous person in the warriors scratch community (who will also remain anonymous because I don't try to point fingers), all hung out together and such on Roblox; but one day, she just unfriended me! literally no "hey I think we shouldn't be friends anymore" or goodbyes or anything, it just happened, I found out and told my friend, who had also gotten unfriended, and we both were really upset that this person had just left us in the dust. I felt kind of broken, betrayed in a way, was I just really that annoying? I've had to deal with that before, but that honestly just kind of broke me. I kid you not, I tried to keep my distance, tried to know when enough was enough to hang out with this person, to not push the boundaries. I tried to give her space when she needed it, and tried not to bother her; after all, its how you can build friendships? "gold its just online don't take it seriously," and yes I have come to the conclusion its online It doesn't affect me irl, I am glad to have the friends I have irl, but let me just say, IT STILL HURTS. even though I have moved on and forgiven this person, because Christians forgive <3, i am still reminded almost every day of how left out this person made me feel, and it also made me be super fragile about not getting accepted into maps, I just cant deal with knowing I'm not good enough sometimes, and I try to get up from it, but its so hard. I am so sensitive :P, and not only that, but I don't think I can work up the courage anymore to apply for this persons maps only to get rejected; is it because I'm too inexperienced, or because of the drama?
