Before I get into the critique, I'd just love to say you're writing style is amazing and this poem was beautifully written! Also I'm very sad you and your friend had to go through that! I hope that you guys have made up, and are friends again! Remember that critiques aren't meant to make you feel bad, they're meant to show you what you can improve! I like to use the CQS method of critiquing. Complimenting, or saying what you like about it, then questioning parts I might not understand, or don't get, and then suggest anything I think could be improved! Without further ado, let's get started! First line, 'Whom I left So I left.' I like how this line doesn't hold anything back, it just jumps right into your situation. I don't have any questions, but I suggest maybe making it a little bit more clear as to what you are talking about, but this line is amazing as it is, so it doesn't need to be refined if you do not feel necessary! Second line, 'I was blind. Like a ghost.' This one is a good way to sink deeper into what you've started, great work! Great use of a simile Third and fourth lines, 'Blinded by morals. Like a memory. Just one mistake; Like a coward' These ones resonate with me, and definitely hit the hardest in the poem! I do suggest toning the similies down, three in a row seems a bit sloppy, two are okay, but maybe replace one with a metaphor? Like change the fourth line to 'Just one memory; I was a coward.' or some other type of figurative language you think would work for this piece. Fifth line, 'All it took, I’m so sorry.' 'All it took. I'm so sorry.' I'm sorry is a repeated phrase, meaning it's very important. All it took. All what took? One memory? One moment? Maybe make a few tweaks to give more clarity. Remember the description wouldn't normally be there, and not everyone can decipher poems as easily as actual writers can. Think about that a little bit! Sixth, seventh, and eighth lines, 'Back I look. Sorry to you, But it’s over. Sorry to me. What we had? It doesn’t matter.' I love how you took into consideration how you wronged her and said (repeated) I'm sorry. Apologizing once more makes the poem hit harder. And then apologizing to yourself is a beautiful way to show how much you've lost. Although in the eighth line, perhaps consider explaining why everything you had no longer matters. Does it not matter to you, or her? Why doesn't it matter anymore? Ninth, tenth, and eleventh lines, 'Buried by smoke. Too late now. My stupid smoke. I didn’t understand, I’m so sorry. Back then, couldn’t.' These lines are a bit harder for me to decipher. The smoke is obviously a metaphor and I really like the imagery it gives! But what does the smoke symbolize? Does it symbolize your own struggles? Or does it symbolize your blindness? Explaining that could impact your readers more than the imagery could! Twelth, thirteenth, and fourteenth lines, 'I have regret; I was upset At me, you.' You ended it with such a bittersweet sadness that I was left wondering if you'd ever find your happily ever after with this person. Not romantically of course, but if you ever would make peace with yourself, or them. This is a good feeling to give your readers, and showing them that you were upset at no longer them, but you yourself gives them the urge to keep flipping, to hear your struggles, even though there's nothing left! These lines are great and I don't think these need to be changed!
