relates to something a little different. so uh... school stress ig. and mental health, in a way. y'all remember the grades project I made? yea about that.... so my dad's been complaining a lot about my band grade, and it's to the point where he's literally calling me an idiot. if you've met me, it makes me SO, SO mad when people call me stupid, tell me to grow up, yadda yadda. the reason why it makes me so upset is bc people like me have already been called out (AUDHD people) and this ain't the first time, either. about the mental health thing too... uh, my OCD has been getting worse, lately. I experience it in a weirdly specific way. mainly like, "if I don't say this to someone, I'm gonna d13," or "do this or you'll suffer". like that, ig. I also get aches of anxiety & depression. like just being really tired, stressed, and just not happy at all. I may seem happy, but that's usually an illusion. and I've been less happy ever since my birthday happened. oh yeah.... my birthday... I forgot about that, lol.... so my parents started fighting on my birthday. that's right. on MY special day. one of the only days that I feel pure joy and content... and they fight. of course, I got mad and tried to walk off, but being in a bowling alley with bowling shoes on and trying to head into the bathroom ain't really smart. so I had to put on a fake smile and come back. but I couldn't. I was so overwhelmed. so when it was my turn, my dad tried to help me, I just turned to him and said "for a birthday present, can you and mom not argue?" and I broke down in tears. we had to go through the rest of the round of bowling, so I had to bowl anyway, though all I wanted to do was go home and cry alone, or just to be left alone. but the night got a tiny bit better. my dad and I played some arcade games. (we hit 1000 twice on those spin to win games, so that was cool, ig). but, ever since that night, I feel like my life has just gotten worse and worse.... I'd just like a hug. even if it was virtual. or someone just to tell me everything's ok (just to let y'all know, I'm not being @bu$3ed or anything. I'm fine. really)
