In 738 BCE, there was bread. And in 737 BCE, there was Breadland. Situated on the Italian Peninsula, Breadland would produce the greatest bread the people of the ancient world had ever seen. But they wanted more. The Italian Peninsula only had so much land. It could not hope to suffice for the Breadian people. They did not want more land, they needed more land. King Wheatia of the Kingdom of Bread began expanding. But not everyone was so keen to embrace the Way of the Bread. One of these nations was the Kingdom of Brightsburg to the North. Demanding the cessation of all Breadian expansion, Brightsburg threatened war. But upon the discovery that Brightsburg did indeed have land (It was previously thought this odd nation nobody had heard of was a Sea Kingdom of sorts.), Breadland seized the initiative and invaded- sparking the First Bread Wars. We are going to skip a few years for bre(ad)vity, mainly because the casualties Breaderick the Great inflicted on Brightsburg are far too great to be comprehended by any one man. Actually, why not skip a few more years? It is 737 BCE, after all. And Imperialis here supposedly starts in.. wait, let me check my notes. Let's see.. yes, here we are. Hm.. Wait, 1375!? I started lore for this country for this stupid joke way too early! Alright, I know just what to do. I'll simply use the Legally Distinct Telephone Box-shaped Time Machine to advance this lore into the appropriate time period and simply start writing when I get to the start year. Let's get this lore machine started! 2199. The Oxygen Wars rage through Breadland, but their desire for bread production keep them going. Even as Neo-Retentian Super Soldiers begin the Third Hydrogen Offensiv- Wait, this is too far in the future! Alright, back to the box! I am NOT writing anything about these stupid Oxygen Wars! 1883. As Breadian troops prepare for the landing on Floridian soil, they can hear the cracks of bullets as the enemy rains fire on them using their Syntacio Devices- STILL TOO FAR! AGAIN!? SERIOUSLY!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID THING!?-.. Oh, forget it. I have to watch my blood pressure. Let's try this again.. 9873 BCE. Protobreadians sit around the newly-invented campfire with their most recent hunt- a woolly mammoth and its mate. They will survive the winter. I'm not even sure why I try anymore. Now I have to turn it even more forward! I don't even know if the dial can go the distance I need it to, but there is only one way to find out after all. Here goes nothing, I suppose.. 1374. The War of Retentian Succession is in full swing as the entire continent attempts to prevent the Retentian and Brightsian thrones from unifying to preserve the balance of power. Breadian troops have encircled Kalburg and the three month long siege, resulting in the entire city's stock of bread being looted, has had drastic consequences for the inhabitants. There is talk of surrendering the city- but the garrisons hold strong, defending the walls from scalers and Breadians attempting to set up cannons loaded with Breadshot- a round so powerful that a well-aimed strike could spell disaster for the city's defenders- Ugh, close enough.
My brain, for this amazing lore that would make Tolkien stare in awe. Wastelander, Red and Lazer for being graced with such profound and intricate worldbuilding. Bread, for existing.
