[THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE LIES PEASE DON’T READ THIS /srs /like actually / this is not a joke] This is Side Order, Splatoon 3’s DLC campaign. It was Wave 2 of the Splatoon 3 DLC, with Wave 1 coming to us in February 2023, while Side Order didn’t release until a whole year later, in February 2024. It was made very clear that we were getting a Wave 2 of the DLC. I mean, it’s not like it was subtly teased in a trailer or something, Nintendo LITERALLY gave us a picture of Off The Hook with the words “Major Paid DLC” under it at Splatoon 3’s release. This DLC is what we were all looking forward to. This DLC is what we were waiting for. And this DLC… …is absolute trash. There are many reasons why it’s a disappointment, from plot holes to generic-ness to too much fan service. But the first thing I want to talk about is… #1: CHARACTER ASSASSINATION ON MARINA IIDA Marina, a member of Off The Hook, has lots of depth and lore. She was part of the Octarian army until she escaped upon hearing the Calamari Inkantation, then found refuge on Mount Nantai, and met Pearl, starting their idol group, Off The Hook. Side Order could have gone in so many amazing directions (and now with the leaked concept art, we can see that wasted potential), but instead, Nintendo gave us a DLC with the plot of “Marina loses a Final Fest and gets salty”. Hmm, where have I heard that plot before…? *splatoon 2 art fades in* Oh, I don’t know, maybe the EXACT PLOT of Splatoon 2?! It’s literally just the S2 plot, but it’s Marina instead of Callie and Order instead of Octavio. But that’s not even what I’m here to talk about right now. In the elevator leading up to each level, Pearl will have dialogue reflecting her loud, chaotic, confident personality, and even Acht will have dialogue opening up a bit about their past. But Marina’s dialogue will just be, “Oh, Pearl, you’re so incredibly incredible~” with Pearl just like, “Yeah, yeah.” ALL of Marina’s dialogue is just praise for Pearl. Marina has a sassy, funny, extremely smart personality, and only one of her personality traits is being in love with Pearl. But in Side Order, it’s like that’s her ONLY personality trait. This is not okay. Marina is a character with depth and lore and her own personality that Nintendo is taking away in Side Order. Which ties into the next issue, which is… #2: A SIDE ORDER OF…FAN SERVICE? If I had to describe Side Order in two words, it would be “fan service”. We all know that Nintendo knows what’s going on in the community. I mean, we saw the Callie plush drinking Pepsi at the Grand Fest venue. Nintendo knows the fanbase. And they’ve used that in funny and harmless ways before, like basing the Inkling mem cake in Octo Expansion on that one meme. But in Side Order, it’s like there’s more fan service than actual story. We’ll start with the fact that it’s an Off The Hook-centered DLC. Yes, ANOTHER ONE. You know why? Because Nintendo was just thinking, “OTH is the most popular idol group among the fans, so they’ll get the DLC”. Even though my favorite idol group is the Squid Sisters, I’m not going to say “SqUiD siStErS ShOuLd HaVe GoTtEn ThE dLc!!!1!” because they really shouldn’t have. They’ve been in every story mode, and they don’t need a DLC in the same way OTH doesn’t need one. This DLC rightfully belongs to Deep Cut, who have been tragically underrepresented. Despite being the ACTUAL Splatoon 3 idols, they’ve gotten almost no attention in Splatoon 3. Nintendo should’ve given this DLC to Deep Cut, even if that means removing their (almost nonexistent) role in the S3 story mode or scrapping this (honestly terrible) order-themed story. Another example of fan service in side order is Acht. Nintendo thought, “Well, everyone was obsessed with dedf1sh, so let’s throw them into Side Order”. This gives Acht (aka dedf1sh) a completely meaningless role and little to no lore or impact, so they basically appear in Side Order for no reason. I mean, this whole DLC is just shallow fan service. Marina’s dev diaries are just bits of Pearlina lore. People’s souls take on the form of third kits. I mean, come on! You even play as Agent 8, “the agent the fans like”, AGAIN. Fan service in any media is just stupid, because if every request is fulfilled, fans have no “what if this happened” to write fanfics about. Another issue I have with Side Order is… #3: A DISAPPOINTING SUCCESSOR I just want to say something before we talk about this issue. First, if you’re still reading, thank you for listening to me yap about Side Order. Second, Side Order is NOT Octo Expansion 2, and I didn’t expect it to be. I’m not bashing it for not being similar enough to OE, despite the thumbnail. It’s actually good that it’s not just a second Octo Expansion. But I will be kind of comparing it to OE, so just be prepared. While OE had a deep, believable story of trying to escape the Deepsea Metro and get to the surface that the devs clearly spent a lot of time on,(continue in credits box)
(continued from instructions box) ,Side Order feels like a slapped-together story dotted with plot holes and the occasional bit of Pearlina fanservice. (Btw, I’m not against Pearlina, I love the ship, there’s just a bit too much in Side Order). And it would be fine if it was a completely different story from OE, but what really sucks is that it’s TRYING to be a second OE, which it completely failed at. And, like, WHERE IS AGENT 4?! Like, they were forgotten so much that I had to write an entire fanfic about them just to- ok maybe I’m contradicting what I said before, so scratch that, I just want Agent 4- *sobs* Well, looks like I’m done yapping, so to sum it up, Side Order is a shallow, fanservicey DLC full of wasted potential that’s not worth its $30 price. Comment if you agree (or disagree) and comment what Splatoon-related topic you want me to yap about next!
