This was all out of misunderstanding… I thought a really close friend of mine was trying to expose me and they wherent. I called them awful, awful things that I should never have. They don’t seem it at first approach but they are a reserved person, and I think I was going a little too fast… i basically felt comfortable with this person within a day and felt that I could show my full self, heh, I’m not sure if that’s what I’d call it, and I Don’t need someone to tell every single random but funny autistic idea that comes to mind. I nuked his comments at least once a day and I’m an annoying person in general. The good thing about this is that he was able to come out and speak the truth, comminicate and ask everyone for a break because of me. But other then that, our friendship is probelbly reduced to atoms and I deserve every form of hatred for it. I naturally suck at keeping friends. I never thought this way of it before but now I see crystal clear and I now how he feels. I know what it’s like to wanna push people away now. They said they where a bad friend, they just got a taste of what an awful friend truely is. They where the closest person I’ve ever been with on scratch and that’s because of them. I may not have seen him entirely run off of steam but I thought that was my purpose in our friendship: I beleive that giving therapy to everyone is my highest purpose out of my own experience. I was going to fast. I suck. I really do. What I said was downright awful. I’m the reason why he turned off his comments. I was the one who triggered him. It’s my fault guys.
Listen, I know I problebly doomed our friendship, and hate my bones all you want, please. But if you reconsider, I know that you problebly lost all trust in me, but when ever you’ve had a bad day, I want you to march up to my profile and nuke my comments. I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring you like that again but… still… I want you to feel as comfortable as possible while at the same time I can’t force that. It takes time. And I will try to let time do it’s thing. And If I think it’s getting to be too much, I will gently tell you that I need a break, and I will let you come back again. Until then, I want you to point out every flaw within me so that I can fix myself. I know that your afraid of hurting people, but sometimes it’s a good thing. You have to take those flaws within yourself and you have to fix the ones that you see, and ask if there’s anything else about you that’s wrong. No one can be perfect, but everyone needs to put in a team effort, and it’s starts with a little reconsideration. But I want you to do what’s best. I want you to make the final decision yourself if we are friends still. I’m so so sorry for everything that I said. It was absolutely horrible and I won’t ever do something like that again. But I’m also thankful that you got mad. I also wanna say how incredibly greatful I am. You endured that kind of pain just to teach me something so important, and you don’t even know it. That goes a long way, and I will remember this moment. You taught me to always consider misunderstanding, (which everyone has trouble with) and you are teaching me patience. That I need to take time with people like you and sometimes give you space. You endured all that pain just for that. Thank you, so much. Now I want you to tell me not only the things that I know where wrong with me, but anything eles bothering you. And I’m dead serious, it dosnt matter how brutal it is because if you don’t tell me now, I won’t ever grow to be a better person. The situation will stay the same, and we will continue to run into the same problems over and over. And maybe you won’t feel so alone anymore if I can give you better advice in exchange. But first, I need you to tell me how I can be a better therapist. And I don't support you because I feel like I have to. I do it because it literally makes me happy to be there for you. It is my passion and hobby. I want to be known as the therapist. But I can't be a therapist if I don't change. I tried to hard and gave up to quickly, This is the first time I felt emotions in five years. And, I do beleive your a sapphire in pieces. I wanted to be one of those people you could call your own, be yourself around. I let you down. I geuss I’m something you can’t call your own. The rest of the story is in your hands.
