((This is all genuine and isn't made to guilt trip. It's rather made to explain my weird periods of inactivity as well as let all the cold emotions out. May be too degrading for a majority of viewers if religion or Ocd cycles make you uncomfortable)) - So, the last few weeks have been draining for me. I no longer feel the need to use Scratch occasionally and stay away from the site to focus on my own mentality. As a person with OCD, a majority of my thoughts are negative. As you might expect, I want to be perfect regardless of how impossible that may seem. I have periods of unease where I go from thinking that I'm the worst human being on the round speck of dust called earth to being desperate for reassurance to mentally throwing my anger at the people I care about then regretting it in the next 15 minutes. And it doesn't make me feel any better when people reply with "same," "everyone is a little OCD", "Jesus will help you" (I don't believe in his divinity so please stop telling me this), or "Then don't think that way." This isn't something I could control, and it can't be stopped through something like religion or kind words. My own family members tell me stuff like this and it hurts. Sometimes, I confuse my thoughts for my actions and I genuinely don't know what's at heart. Anxiety and guilt still take control over me as I age. I don't know who I am anymore. Stuff like this has made me doubt my own interests, sexuality, gender, and morals and see them as nothing but a lie from an evil person (me and my mind). I'm disgusted. Very disgusted with myself. Even for things I haven't done.
As for those I've hurt in the past, I'm sorry for being a jerk. I've tried to improve via my own community, although I'm not perfect in terms of acceptance.
