I guess I’ll just jump right in As some of you might remember, about a year ago I collapsed on the bathroom floor and experienced something similar to a stroke or a seizure. Couldn’t move, loud ringing, hallucinations, a LOT of pain, and so on. Wasn’t fun. I thought it was a one time thing, but guess what? A few months ago I get stuck under my bed. Unable to move, flashing lights, and that awful pain. I was stick for fifteen minutes the first time. I was stuck for two hours the second time. I sat there, both times, trying to call for help. Trying to cry from the pain. Trying to call for my mom, who both times was just around the corner. But I could barely muster up enough energy to say half a word, let alone yell. My mom knows about both of these incidents. My dad knows about one. When we tried to tell him about the second time, he brushed it aside and then snapped at me to find his keys. Neither of them know how bad it really was. My mom seems to have the idea that I wasn’t in that much pain. Neither of them know how absolutely terrifying it was. My mom doesn’t know that I was trying to call her name. I would never tell her, because she’d feel so bad that it would break me. In any case- My neurologist never knew what was actually wrong with me. He put me on this prescription that barely works, and we go every three months for him to charge us 200$ and sit down for five minutes to tell us the exact same thing as last month. It’s useless, and me and my mom both know it, but if we don’t go? He cancels my prescription. Ever since the first time I fell I’m always finding myself in a dream state. It happened a lot before, but now it’s almost constant. On those days, things are blurry. Sounds don’t make sense, and life feels… fake. Like a distant memory. I can’t enjoy my life on these days, because it doesn’t feel like I’m actually there. It feels like I’m a bystander. I can’t.. really explain it better than that. I just feel like I’m going crazy, I guess you could say I’m stuck in a daze. On those days I often get confused. About simple problems- about where I am. I find it hard to navigate my own house, and it feels like the walls are closing in. On those days I often get migraines, which prevent me from functioning as well as I should be able to. I usually just try to ignore it. Ever since I fell, I’ve been experiencing memory loss. And let’s just say.. a lack of brains. I didn’t hit my hea,d I know I didn’t. But I can’t remember anything. I’ve always had a bad memory, but the things I’m forgetting lately are crazy. I can’t understand basic concepts in school that two years ago I would’ve found the easiest thing in the world. And the worst part? I’m trying. I’m trying really hard. It’s never good enough, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Recently I’ve had some more normal days. Days where there’s no pain nagging at my head, and I can see clearly. But still, every time I feel that lightheadedness start again, I feel a wave of panic rush through me. All I can think of is laying on the floor, trying to get help and just being so.. stuck. Why am I even bringing all this up? Not for sympathy. I just really needed to get it out of my system. I’m scared, I really am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The occasional hallucinations and confusion and occasional dream states make me feel crazy. Today, I started doing some research (and by researching, I mean Google) on whether or not migraines can cause long-term memory problems, since even friends have noticed how forgetful I am. (As well as myself noticing the same issue.) Most of the pages said no, but there’s a rare type of migraine called a Hemiplegic Migraine which is almost exactly what I experienced those two times. I’ve always had problems with my head, ever since I was seven years old. But I feel like those two recent times when I collapsed, aside from the obvious fact that they themselves were different from any normal migraine, had lasting effects on me. And the more I research the more it seems to make sense, It says it can cause lasting memory issues and a general sense of confusion. It says that when the actual migraine happens, it is almost exactly like a stroke, just without the same after effects a stroke has. Pretty much everything else I’ve said lines up too, like the hallucinations. It says that if they happen before the person experiencing them is an adult, there’s a chance they’ll go away after childhood. So I hope that’s the case. Hhh I don’t even know why I made this I just needed to talk I guess I just wanted to see how crazy I really was lol Maybe you reading this, is going to think I’m totally insane. And you’re never going to talk to me again. Idk. Again, I’m not asking for sympathy, I just really needed to get this out of my system. To the two people who got this far- thanks. I really appreciate it :>
Just mah life I guess
