[VENT?] so, like i have a lot of things to say but can't say them because uhhhhh

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i don't know I've been paying some ocasional visits to Amir's account to see what he's been up to i kinda miss him and have some things to say to him but thanks to our broken trust i have more of like "i want to tell him but what happens if i say it then I'm done" moments when i just want to tell something to him i don't know it's the fact that I'm so done in the community he's in and like i am actually sorry for once, and feel like I'm prepared but i doubt he would actually listen and I'll just give it until December to see if the problem is fixed, i just want to actually say sorry to him without meaning like "i promise but i won't teehee" more like pretty much as "I can't promise anything, but I'll try my best." i don't know if to say it now but like i i kinda feel anxious about this you know i can't express it any other way