How To (Fail To) Write (Or, Procrastination for Dummies) Step 1: Open your writing document. Step 2: If your document is empty, stare at it. The next several steps may not apply to you. In fact, you should probably go find a different guide. Spend a very long time finding a how-to guide, so long that you do not have time to write. Step 3: Assuming your document is not empty, scroll down to the bottom of it. Step 4: Reread the last few sentences you wrote. Step 5: Realize the reason you haven’t worked on this story in months is because you don’t know what to write next. Step 6: Go browse the internet for a while (anywhere from five minutes to two months). Maybe if you put this story down for a bit, you’ll get inspired. Step 7: Go back to your writing document. Stare at it for a while. Rewrite the last sentence you wrote. Step 8: Check your notes doc. Do you not have a notes doc? You’d better make one. This list of notes is getting really long and should probably be in a separate document from your actual writing. Maybe if you look through your notes on the characters, you’ll feel inspired. Step 9: Write down more notes on the characters you forgot to add before. Step 10: Return to your writing doc. Write two sentences. Step 11: Decide you should figure out the layout of the room in this scene even though you are not describing it at all, and go look up room designer websites, then look at pictures of chaise lounges on [thepinsite]. Step 12: Write one more sentence. Step 13: Realize you are hungry and go get food. (If you do not know how to get food, you should find a how-to guide on that instead.) Step 14: Watch random YouTube videos. Step 15: Decide you should go back to writing. Step 16: Look at the last thing you wrote. Step 17: Think about how you should write more. Step 18: Watch more YouTube.
